Being English

Socks Sarah got me as a "welcome" gift

Before coming over, I read a book all about being English. It was written by an English journalist whom decided to research into what makes the English their own, unique people. It was both informative and entertaining. Some of it was spot on from what I have noticed during previous visits and other things I was totally oblivious to. Apparently I have not been a very good Englishmen over the years. The book was a gift and I thought it would be a good read since I was to come over and love for a bit. I decided that even though I have no intentions of becoming a full blown brit, I should understand as much as possible about the interworkings of the culture. I figured that it would be helpful in getting and holding down a job. The book hasn't worked in that sense. lol.

Here are some of the things I find to be particularly true that I enjoy:

• The English love their tea but can't really describe it or explain why its integral to their society. Even those that claim to not be tea drinkers (aka Alex) often have the traditional hot beverage. Certainly it is the first thing offered upon arrival into someones home. I even know people that will drink a cup of tea before they start drinking alcohol. Everyone seems to have a specific way they enjoy their tea, and a specific kind of tea...although nobody can really tell me what the 'flavor' of the preferred tea is or the brand name. It is merely tea and everyone knows the difference between the 'good' stuff and the 'bad' stuff. There are just as many kinds of tea here as any place else, but the generic English tea is what people drink most....(sidebar - I found out that here people do not accept leaving the tea bag in the glass. It sits in the cup for a few moments [and yes, it is a certain length of time that nobody can exactly pinpoint either] and then is discarded. The other specifics such as milk and sugar are meant to already been added and then stirring commences. You never allow the guest to make it on their own or have anything to do with it until the tea is complete. You also do not leave the spoon in if it is at someones house. It is acceptable to stir your own in public, but one person 'prepares' everyone elses at the table.)
• People naturally queue up (wait in an orderly line). Everywhere. It is a common joke here that queuing is a national pastime. People here are very good at it. Even a single person will often queue. Seriously, sometimes people just start queuing and they do not even know why. Alex told me of a social experiment where a few people started a queue for no reason and soon tons of people started lining up behind them, without asking questions or knowing where the line lead. Its amazing and efficient. People do not line jump and you know where everyone is going. There is zero confusion what is happening the majority of the time. They even have the ability here to get in one line the split off in a fair and orderly fashion into multiple lines once you reach the front of the queue. I always find it amusing to watch the single person at the bus stop, queuing up for the bus, even though there is nobody else waiting there. Pretty sure in America we would be lazily sitting on the benches or milling about. 
• The bus system. Yes, it is a bit expensive sometimes and it often comes late...but I still like it. Buses will take you anywhere you want and they are leaving all the time. It is wonderful that I can want to go anywhere and be able to catch a bus within a half hour to be on my way wherever. And people are so understanding about the bus system breaking down or being late. It is so much more laid back to get from point A to point B. 
• Life goes a bit more slowly here. People are not as stressed out and in a hurry all of the time. Getting places is a more casual affair, the whole push to go to school and then marry and then have a career is lesser...things are just generally taken a bit less seriously. People enjoy themselves and have a laugh all the time. Everyone is sarcastic. Sometimes I still catch myself being in an American frame of mind when talking to people a bit more than I should be because I want to take people seriously when they are joking. It takes me a minute sometimes to catch on to the fact that people are joking because the sarcasm is so seamlessly a part of the conversation. 

Here are some things that I less than enjoy:

• There is some weird social game that people seems to play when you visit their house. The host is to offer and the guest to decline. This extends to other things, but I largely see it happen in the home. This pattern will go on a millions times during one visit until someone gives in. The host will offer drinks. The guest is to decline at least twice (three seems to be preferred) before generally accepting whatever is being offered. If the guest does not accept then the host continues to badger the individual with a variety of offerings until s/he gives in. This drives me nuts because if I wanted something I would ask or accept the first time. It is also not polite to ever directly ask for things. You may hint at something, but not overly obviously, until the host or another guest picks up on it. It is common for other guests to ask for things for other guests if they have picked up on a need of someone else. Example:  It would not be considered proper for me to ask for a glass of water at someones house. I could hint at it by asking someone else about the design on their coffee mug they are sipping tea out of, I could comment about how dry the weather is, I could make subtle coughing noises. It would also be acceptable for Alex to pick up on my need and they ask directly. But in this case I could have to be almost overly thankful for the gesture of a drink and insist on getting it myself (although that would never be allowed) as well as saying something to the effect of 'well only if it isn't too much trouble'. Once offered I could request a specific sort of drink I was hoping for. 
• Goodbyes are timely. You never ever get to leave somewhere in a timely matter. It takes at least a half hour to leave any location. This goes for being at restaurants, coffee shops, shopping malls, and other's houses. The goodbyes are made about a million times and new side conversations are started several times. These side conversations turn into full blown conversations and are completed before goodbyes are said again. Hugs will be given multiple times as well as promises of a next meeting, whether intended or not. Each new round of goodbyes is closer to the actual leaving of the location by inching towards the exit.
• They just don't have some of my favorite American things here - brands are different, restaurants aren't the same, etc. I have to get used to rediscovering all of the things I like because they often do not have what I am used to. It actually effects me more than I thought it would. I have to choose new brands of make-up, I crave certain foods that are called different things here or just don't exist. Its funny because I never craved some of the things that don't exist here until I was here and realize they do not have them. Of course that would be the case, right? 
• Sizes are different. It seems like a silly thing not to like, but I wear different sizes in everything here. My clothing size has gone up by 4 numbers, shoe size down by about 2.5. And even though I have translated these things, like in America, some companies have a varied size anyways....so I also have to get used to that. And to add to it, people tend to not try things on as much here, so I get hesitant to purchase things. Which is probably good so that I do not spend too much money anyways :)
• The food. Everything comes in a sandwich form or covered in a sauce. They do not eat as much beef and much smaller portions of veggies than I prefer. About 4 kinds of potato come with food. You will have mashed, boiled, chips, roasted at the same meal, commonly. I like my potato, but never need more than one form! They also really like Indian food here, which I am personally not a fan of. Plus, the food is more expensive here for sure when you go out for a meal somewhere. I am used to the food, but tend to prefer the food I ate at home....but that is probably just a personal taste thing because I am used to eating a lot of veggies and fruit. You can totally get those things here just fine, people just aren't as keen on them as I am I guess...And just for good measure, I feel it needs to be said that fish and chips is a big thing here and you have those shops lots of places as well. You can get it with a side of mushy peas, which I very much do not enjoy. It makes me feel like I am eating baby food. I like peas, but not mashed up into a paste!

So there you have it, a few of the things I have observed as very English. I do not ever intend on fully assimilating into the English culture; I will always be an American in England for as long as I am here. I do like understanding social things and the culture, but it is kinda nice having a bit of grace. Due to the American reputation here, I am not expected to have everything down perfect and do get stuff excused when I do not understand or make a bit of a mistake. Sometimes these things do strike me as odd and I question them. People, like they would anywhere I think, do not always take that the best because they think I am protesting or challenging their way of life. The way of like they know as 'right'. I, of course, am not intent on doing this. The way I understand things is by questioning them. Nobody that I know here takes offense to it, they all understand. I think an outsider might because occasionally I do have the people I know say something about remembering that I am just trying to understand.

I must admit that it is very interesting to live in another country. I am really glad that I am doing this little adventure. Even though I get a bit frustrated or anxious to start a proper life of our own with Alex, I am still learning a lot about myself and a different way of life. Granted it is not totally new and different from what I am used to...but it is different enough that it allows me to grow as a person. Its pretty cool.