(seemingly) Random Thoughts (done in 10 minutes)

I adore my boyfriend, he is my all.

Summer classes are intense. I don't understand why I need to pay to take a class that does not apply to my ultimate career goals and in which I am learning nothing.

I enjoy my new apartment, but am still not used to being in it alone.

I kinda miss camp....no. no I don't.....I do, but I freaking hate the drama.

I'm not even engaged yet, and I already dread having to plan 2 weddings (one in Iowa and one in England).

I'm rather annoyed that I still do not have internet or cable in my new apartment.

I should paint more. I am better at poems but I do not have the patience to write any.

Motorcycles are way more fun to ride on than driving a car.

I don't see how firing cheese out of a cannonball would actually work as ammo.

Eclipse comes out soon. I'm going to wear my new "I don't want a hot guy. I like my men cold and pale" tshirt that Alex bought me when I see it.

Alex's hoodie barely smells like him anymore, sad.

Whitening my teeth is going to be a great idea.

People always say that you can sleep when you are dead - I like sleep a lot but can never fall sleep at night....I gotta work on that....

when I am a vampire I won't need to sleep anymore.

People are going to think I am crazy for saying that last one....but if it were possible then I'd be on board....altho I'm not obsessed with the idea.

I wanted to end with something whitty but now I am too tired.

Finish Mythbusters, then bed.

And morris time :)

Woe is Me

I need to get out of this funk. I don't know what my deal has been lately. No matter what I do, I seem to fall be either sad, moody, or a combination of the two. When Alex is here, I am wonderful. When he goes, I am awful. I think that is part of the key. I am struggling to cope with him being away and yet so close. I am very used to having him be away from me and it usually only takes a few days for me to readjust and be back to normal. Nope. Not this time....I don't even know what else to say about it. It just sucks.

lines from poety that grabbed me

The wearied light is dying down, And earth, and stars, and sea, and sky Are redolent of sleep, as I Am redolent of thee and thine Enthralling love, my Adeline.

An angel throng, bewinged, bedight In veils, and drowned in tears, Sit in a theatre, to see A play of hopes and fears, While the orchestra breathes fitfully The music of the spheres.

For her this rhyme is penned

You buy my spirit with those shameless eyes, That burn my soul, you loose the torrent stream, Of my desire, you make my lips your prize

When scattered glow-worms, but in twilight fine,Shew trivial beauties watch their hour to shine

They had given him back to her, but not to keep


Hearts remote, yet not asunder; Distance, and no space was seen

So amorous are these that I deem they will slay me

If certain when this life was out That yours and mine
should be, I'd toss life yonder like a rind And taste eternity.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

ALEX

he comes in less than a week.

words cannot express my excitement for his visit

nor my adoration and love for him.

I attempted to explain it in blog form.

It got lengthy and very emo.....but I posted it anyways.

Fell free to skip that blog, seriously, it will gross you out.

I've decided to spare you here and leave a one phrase summary....

ALEX IS MY ALL

I'm Alive Just To Say: I Love You To Death

Yup, this one is alllllll about Alex.

So the love of my life gets here in just under a week and I could not be more excited about it. Idk if I will get it all written down, words can't really express how ecstatic I am about this. And the gushing begins...

I have not seen Alex in 7 months.....7 months! That's far too long.

I have been having dreams about his visit for weeks now. The best part about them is that as soon as i wake up and think about how nice it was, I realize that him being here will far exceed anything I could dream up. That is the best feeling I can possibly have without being in his presence.

He is undoubtedly the best thing to ever happen to me.

I know a lot of people say that God or religion is the best thing to ever happen to them. Don't get me wrong, that's a huge part of my life and extremely important to me. But I have always had that and always will. Its immeasurably important to me.....But Alex I have lived without and have the possibility of losing in a variety of ways. Alex was given to me by God. I guess I should take that statement back then...Alex is undoubtedly the best thing that I have ever been given on this Earth. Better for everyone? :P

Back to Alex and how amazing he is. He really is amazing.

It's hard for me to think that we have 'officially' been together for only two years. It seems like so much longer. In a good way though. I think the fact that we spend so much time apart plays into it a lot. Plus we have been together unofficially for 3 years. Sooo that plays into it as well. It's kindof a depressing thought to know that we still have 2 more years left to be apart. 2 years being away from the one you love is hard. The next 2 will be just as bad, I expect. I am hoping that school distracts both of us enough that it goes by fast. Nothing could make it come fast enough, but a distraction to pass the time will have to do.

I know we can make it through, I have no doubts about that at all. I just hate being away from him. I literally am more relaxed and happy when he is here. He makes me feel safe and loved and important and.....like I am exactly where I am meant to be. When he is away I do not quite feel satisfied or comfortable. In fact, I am rather anxious, bored, and in a state of constant longing and heartache. Its not that I don't enjoy things when he isn't here, it just feels more enjoyable and natural to have him around. When he isn't then something is missing. He truly takes a part of me with him when he leaves. And, as he says, he leaves his heart with me when he leaves.

There are so many song lyrics and quotes from classic romance novels that I could quote right now to sortof some up what I am thinking. I will spare everyone because choosing only a few would be far too difficult.

I think, oddly enough, Alex is why I enjoy the Twilight series so much. It's funny because he thinks the series is crap. I think it is because he fears a mythological creature can make him look bad. That thought is hilarious to me because when I read the books I think to myself "awww" when Edward says something all romantic to Bella and then wonder if Alex would've done the same or better. ha. I'm a mushy emo mess, I know. I sound like a 13 yr old girl with a crush. I can't help it.

**sigh**

I could go on and on and attempt to explain this to everyone out there. But I don't think I will. It isn't worth it because I won't be able to articulate it accurately. And also, I could gush emoly about Alex for days. If I keep going now this blog will be record length. I will just leave you with this instead because it sums things up nicely. And yes, it is as close to accurate as I can be in one phrase....

Alex is my all.