Dream #2

This one I had this morning.

I am in the livingroom of the house I grew up in. The room is set up differently, but it is the same house. I am sitting on the floor, cuddles up to Alex as he leans against the couch playing videogames. He is playing against a guy I went to middle school with but never really talked to. I excuse myself, saying I am going to go downstairs and check on things. In what was the spare bedroom I find a childhood friend (although it looked nothing like her) that, in my dream, had gained a lot of weight. She is there with her boyfriend. I am not sure in real life if she is even dating someone, but it was someone I did not know. 

I remember her having something of mine. She would not give it back. I thought she may have hidden it so I began to search the room for it. I could not tell you what the object was, but in the dream I very much wanted it back. I could not find it and wanted, in the dream, to become very aggressive with her in order to get it back. I was very angry and very wound up. She refused to surrender it and backed into the closet. I remember pushing past her and thinking, but not saying, that she had gained a lot of weight. 

I ran upstairs and told Alex. He virtually ignored me and would not come help me get it back. His game was too important. I returned downstairs and continued to try and get it back. I was bargaining with them and eventually we got into a verbal argument where they began making insulting comments towards me. I began crying and was furious that they would not surrender whatever it was I wanted back so badly. I returned back upstairs to tell Alex I needed help defending myself. He did not offer to come help and did not stop his game. He opened his arm towards me and invited me to come cuddle him. He held me, soothing me by rocking me and kissing me on the top of the bead. I buried my face in his side until I was calm. 

I returned downstairs to find the friend and her boyfriend holding my sister's flute. Sam never played the flute in real life but apparently owned one in the dream. They wanted to trade the flute for what I wanted back. After arguing with them about whether or not Sam already gave them the OK for this trade, I eventually agreed....only to discover that whatever it was they had and I wanted they had broken. I had to settle with some children's game that was covered in dirt and missing pieces. As I sifted through the game I remember suddenly it was like I was watching a commercial. My entire view in the dream was a commercial for a children's game with 9 kids standing in a 3 x 3 grid, singing a song and jumping up or squatting down in a variety of patterns that coincided with the jingle they sang. 

Then I wore up to find Morris cuddled up next to my side, something I had forgotten about but realized when I woke up to my alarm before I had the dream.

Dream #1

I have been having lots of strange dreams lately. Every few nights I will have one that is very vivid and realistic. I have decided to write about all of them here and see if I can make any connections at a later time between some of them. Here is the first one:

I had this dream, on Saturday morning.

It began with me in Vegas. I am not sure how I got there, the point of me being there, or what time of year it was. I remember walking through a club. There was some MTV host there, much like they have for spring break, giving away prizes and having contests. This particular club was a dance club that also happened to have sunken hot tubs you could sit in. Nobody seemed to mind that people's feet were in your face as you danced by the fairly narrow walkways between some of the hot tubs. For whatever reason I was wandering around, not searching for anything in particular, not dancing, not hottubing. I just walked around casually.

I heard my name being shouted. It was my very close friend Sara. She was in a hot tub, drink in hand, chatting with 2 girls we went to high school with and someone Sara introduced as a co-worker. Sara was on vacation. Neither of us expected the other to be there. They were participating in some form of contest, something about keeping their hand in a certain place. When I declined getting in the hot tub and/or drinking with them, then forfeited the contest and took me to their room. I literally remember turning around in the dream and magically being in their hotel room. It was a generic, but nice hotel. They were explaining how they had been there for days and hadn't done much but lay around the room and go out to eat. They did not seem disappointed by this, it was stated more of a matter-of-fact. 

I don't remember much more about being with them or in the hotel room. I remember the variance in the mood when the scene shifted though. In the club they were all excited to see me and seemed to be having a good time. In the room they were very blank, almost sullen. I did not make note of this in the dream though, it is only upon reflection that I find it odd. 

The next thing I know I am back in the club, running from "bad guys". They are not anybody I know and I struggle to remember what they even looked like. I remember it as being more of a bad feeling that was chasing me, instead of an actual person. This time in the club I moved through it swiftly and with purpose. I continued to scan the room like I had at the beginning of the dream, but it was now with urgency. I do not know what I was looking for, but I had intent now. I was looking for something/someone specifically. I did not find whatever it was. I dodged about and hid momentarily like I was being secretive and trying to not get caught. Never do I remember having whatever was chasing me close by, but I maintained feeling urgency to find whatever it was I needed in the dream. 

Eventually I was in the basement of the club. Yes, it had a basement I ran down a small metal spiral staircase to get to. I could feel the bad guys getting closer but there was nowhere to go. It was empty halls with locked doors. No decor. Just cement floors and tan walls. The doors were plain, no windows or markings. I felt as if the halls were and endless maze, although I was not running down them for long. I found a manhole that went into the sewer. I opened it and jumped down. It was dark, damp but not wet, and fairly clean. It was not tall enough of a space for me to walk so I had to crawl. It was only a few feet of crawling before I found a second manhole. I opened it and went down. This time I put the cover back on the man hole, something I had not done with the first one. 

This manhole had a ladder. I climbed down and into a laboratory. There I found my dad and younger sister. They were building puppies. yes, puppies. Assembling them like they were robots. Except they were real puppies once assembled. They looked a lot like the puppy my family had kept from the litter Bella had. All identical black cocapoos, curly and fluffy. As they finished assembling them they let them run around. Parts of them started to fall off. When this happened my dad or Sam would simply push the pieces back together or glue it on. They found nothing strange in any of this. I did, even in the dream.

They let me keep a puppy, one with an eye that kept falling out. When the eye was in the puppy's head it looked normal. When it fell out it looked like a teddy bear eye. It just kept getting glued back on. I did not participate in any of this, I just kept watching. I no longer felt like I was actively searching, although I acknowledged not finding whatever I was searching for. The overriding emotion int his part of the dream was vague confusion and small curiosity.I did not speak to my sister or my dad, they didn't even seem to note my presence.

Eventually Morris the cat wandered in. I was not surprised by his presence. He jumped on the table near me and wanted to be pet. I pet him and a clump of his whiskers fell off. My sister came over, put glue on the back of Morris's whisker clump and stuck it back on his face. I did not like this and took it off of him. 

That is when I woke up.

So I am a future LPC

It is on days like this, when I wake up in a bad mood that I cannot shake, that I get really annoyed with myself. Not just a normal getting annoyed, but an annoyed because I know so much stuff about the human mind. And because sometimes I cannot stop myself from utilizing that information, no matter how hard I try.

Having the knowledge that I do, I have the tendency to see into what others are saying and get to all that lovely underlying stuff that people don't care to talk about. I am pretty good about compartmentalizing myself to ensure that when I am not in school mode or at practicum that I do not analyze everyone around me. I particularly make sure not to do this about people I know well and care about. I do not want to be using my knowledge against them in any way. I would never do that on purpose, but I am also careful to make sure that they do not misinterpret what I say as me doing so....if that makes sense. 

On days like today though, I am all over the map as far as seeing into what others are doing. It just so happens that one of the things I observed today was someone trying to manipulate me. I was no standing for it but in too bad of a mood to speak up. No sense in making my bad day worse I figured. I was able to hold my tongue, but I could not stop examining what this person was doing. And, of course, the more I did it the more it annoyed me. 

I was having a related conversation with a peer and professor the other day. It was about how sometimes you start detecting all of the things you learned in yourself and get stuck in this awful place where you know why you are acting in a certain way, what is connected with it, how others are seeing you, and what you should do to change all the things you are doing wrong at that particular moment. You start getting so annoyed with yourself and the fact that you can't turn it off and simply don't want to put forth the effort to make the necessary changes. I am also kinda stuck in that today.

It almost. ALMOST. makes me wish I chose another career path. It is only going to get more intense as I become more experienced. I will forever be spending my time solving other people's problems and analyzing other people's thoughts and behaviors. I do really enjoy it and find it very rewarding, even though this is certainly not convincing of that. I just wish that I still had the ability to be oblivious to all of this. To be able to sit in my bad mood for awhile, experience it, and get past it. For whatever reason, today my brain is not letting me do this. It is lecturing me about what I SHOULD be doing to turn myself around. My body just has no energy for that today. 

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All I want to do is go nap in the sun, allowing Morris to frolic about without getting lost or hurt, and just drift away to that place in my mind where everything is perfect.

Picture Perfect

Here are some of my favorite pictures from my laptop...just out of boredom and in the interest of adding something of interest....you know, for all of those many many people that read this :P

                                                                 My Girls <3

                                                                    Sepia 50's

                                                                        50's Fam

                                                             My Beautiful Sister

                                                               Dark Fairie

                                                              Thanksgiving Host

                                                                   Christmas Tie

                                                     The Whole Family

                                                          My English Loves

                                                     The Lawless Family

                                                 Graduation Celebration

                                                             ANTM Sisters

                                                     My Girlies, Again :)

                                                                 Me cuddling baby Sam

 

                                                                Christmas Time Photo-Op

                                                                 Window Sill Chillin

                                                                  All Dolled Up

                                                            Being Frogs

                                                       Morris in His Devil Outfit

Hope you enjoyed !

I'm so sick, Infected with, where I live, let me live without this (in the tune of Flyleaf)

So for the past week I have been feeling mildly sick. I say mildly because my symptoms come and go and change altogether every 2 days. When I am feeling them, they are pretty bad. Sometimes excruciating and debilitating. Other times they are easily ignored. You can imagine how annoying that is.

My mom suggested that I might have allergies. She says people typically have allergies at some point in their lifetime. I have never, to my knowledge, had allergies of any sort. I did have what they determined to be an allergic reaction to a creme type medication once. But nothing of the sorts since. My mom went on to tell me that allergies are particularly bad this year because it got warm early, things started blooming, and then we got cold weather and snow again. I guess that makes allergies worse somehow....

I bought into the possibility of that idea until this afternoon when attending my first Zumba class at my new gym. I was super pumped to go, but sadly, I got very ill about halfway through and had to stop. It was a very interesting reaction. I was doing fine and catching onto the dance moves (the teacher did not speak one word to the class, let alone show the movements beforehand) until I all the sudden started feeling lighted headed. I decided to take my water bottle and go walk around for a moment before returning to class. I went out and barely made it to the benches before I felt like I was going to pass out. I was having trouble breathing, my ears and face were hot, my skin was flushed, there was pressure in my chest, my back was hurting, I got dizzy....it was a mess. After a few moments of sitting out I decided that it would be best if I did not return.

I gathered my things and went to my car. I was actually scared to drive because walking was making me feel more light headed. I got to my car, rolled down the windows, and sat in it for several minutes, drinking water and trying to take slow, deep breaths. Once I was sure that I felt well enough to drive home safely, I made the trek home. Ever since then I have had a low grade temperature, more of a sore throat than before class, and I am getting hot flashes and cold chills. I definitely have something.

WebMD was useless. I spent 20 minutes entering all 28 of my symptoms, only to have it come up with 20 different diagnoses. I was able to R/O a bunch of the crazy ones that I knew were not possible, but it really didn't give me anything helpful. I was disappointed. 

Currently, I am feeling better than when I returned from class, but nowhere near well. I am glad that I have nothing that needs to be done tonight. I was planning on working on this paper due next week, but I am just not up to it tonight, I am keeping my fingers crossed that I am feeling up to it tomorrow...we shall see. For now, I am going to lay on the couch with Morris the Cat and watch tv before heading to bed early....its only 930 and I am feeling very sleepy and have a horrid headache. This is very unusual with me. I might have to make a trip to Eau Claire to the HP urgent care center since the doctors office here always seems to be full and not take walk-ins. lame. 

Ok, off to get better. Send me your well wishes!