Cyberbullying

I know this is an odd topic for me to be blogging on, as I usually write about something related to myself. Thankfully, cyberbullying was not as popular when I was a pre-teen and teen so I did not have experience with such events. It is sad to me that so many young people today have to deal with such abuse from same-aged peers. I think every generation has its own form of bullying that gets increasingly more difficult to escape from. When it will stop, I am unsure. How it will progress from here, I know not. What I do know is that cyberbullying is a real problem with today's youth that appears to be only getting worse. Therefore, I have decided to inform people of it a bit.

What is cyberbullying?

""Cyberbullying" is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. It has to have a minor on both sides, or at least have been instigated by a minor against another minor. Once adults become involved, it is plain and simple cyber-harassment or cyberstalking. Adult cyber-harassment or cyberstalking is NEVER called cyberbullying." (STOP cyberbullying, 2012)

There are many types of cyberbullying, which include:

• Gossip: Posting or sending gossip with intent to damage a person’s reputation and/or relationships.
• Exclusion: Deliberately excluding someone from an online group or forum.
• Impersonation: Posing as another person via breaking into his/her e-mail or internet based  account and sending embarrassing messages in hopes of damaging that individual's reputation and/or relationships.
• Harassment: Posting or sending offensive or insulting messages repeatedly.
• Cyberstalking: Posting or sending intimidating messages, which may include threats and are unwanted by the recipient.
• Flaming: Online fights where scornful and offensive messages are posted on websites, forums, or blogs.
• Outing and Trickery: Tricking someone into revealing secrets or embarrassing information and sharing it online.
• Cyberthreats: Comments left on internet cites which are threatening or implying violence and may display suicidal tendencies or suggestion.  (Covenant Eyes, 2012)

Something I find particularly disturbing about cyberbullying is that it is virtually inescapable for the victim and constantly available to the  aggressors. With technology constantly advancing, many young people have content access to the cyber world through text messages, phone calls, social media sites, and online forums. It is even increasingly popular for cyberbullies to create whole websites devoted to bashing their victims publicly. The sad thing is that individual who engage in cyberbullying activity can do this with a sense of anonymity. Messages, videos, and other online activity can be posted instantly to the internet world and spread to a huge audience in a matter of seconds. Sadly, in many cases, cyberbullies do not have to take ownership of these extremely hurtful actions that their victim cannot escape.

Potential effects on victim:

•  Emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, and stress-related disorders
• Difficulty concentrating
• Trouble getting along with peers
• Physical symptoms such as headaches, reoccurring stomach pain, and difficulty sleeping.
• Sense of unsafety at school
• Can lead to suicide in extreme cases (WebMD, 2012)

Reported symptoms in cyberbullies:

• Same emotional  and physical symptoms of victim minus difficulty sleeping, as listed in above section
• Sense of unsafety at school
• Likely to have issues with hyperactivity, conduct problems, and engage in alcohol and tobacco use (WedMD, 2012)

Some cyberbullies have also been victims of cyberbullying or other types of abuse by peers. This is thought by some professionals to be a reason young people begin cyberbullying. Some ideas I have read that suggest deeper reasoning for cyberbullying include: anger and revenge motivation, attitude problems, behavioral issues, mental health issues, low self-esteem, lack of attention from parents, boredom, need for power and control, and to express social status. Much research is being done into this area but outcomes are not yet clear enough to confirm specific reasons for cyberbullying activity. I would venture to guess that it stems from a combination of the above, but data is still inconclusive at this point in time so do not quote me on that.

Signs a child or teen is a victim:

• Reluctantly to use computers, cellphones, or other electronics 
• Unexpectedly quits using electronics
• Avoiding discussions or hiding their activity on computers, cellphones, or other electronics
• Appearing nervous or anxious upon receiving messages on electronics
• Display atypical negative emotions (such as anger, sadness, or depression) after using electronics
• Discussing revenge
• Trouble sleeping
• Decline in school grades
• Sudden interest in self-harm or in suicide
• Unusual mood swings
• Become reclusive, anti-social and/or is losing friends
• Unusually withdrawn or depressed
• Disinterest in family or school activities
• Displaying potential effects, as listed above (Shoemaker-Galloway, 2007)

Here is a link to the STOP Cyberbullying webpage on how you can help a child or teen report cyberbullying related abuse on sites such as facebook, youtube, and twitter.

Sadly, there is no one way to help a child or teen whom is being targeting with cyberbullying. Oftentimes some of this activity is happening while the child is in a school setting but schools have a limited ability to get involved. In some cases a school would be exceeding its authority or violating a child's right to free speech if they try to build a case that includes cyberbullyingcyberbully be held responsible for his/her actions whilst on school property. This, in many cases, would mean that schools need to step in up in their rules, regulations, and consequences for cyberbullying as well as phone and internet usage during school hours and on school property.

Parents do seems to have a bit more part in helping a child or teen that is dealing with cyberbullying issues. Some advice I would give to help a parent aid a child or teen they feel is being cyberbullied would include the following:

• Do not overreact - oftentimes this is what any child or teen is scared of when telling their parent sensitive information. Yelling, shouting, placing blame, jumping to taking action before collecting additional information - all of these things I would not advise.
• Do not under react -I think one of the worst things you could do is ignore the problem completely. Telling a child to deal with it on their own  or ignore the hurtful comments is not always the best solution. It was most likely difficult for the child or teen to bring the subject up and under reacting shows your disinterest in what is happening to the child and may instill additional embarrassment or shame about the topic.
• Remember that the child or teen being cyberbullied might also be engaging in such activities. Every story has two sides and I would advise investigating into the issue, not just assuming your child is 100% innocent in the matter. Remember that there is such a thing as inadvertent cyberbullying.
• If personal information has been posted online or violent threats have been made towards a child then take that information to the police. Conversations or postings on sites can and should be printed and taken into law enforcement officials. Additional proof may be needed, such as text messages, videos, or conversations that have taken place on electronic devices. It is wise to take in any handheld device that holds hard evidence of the cyberbullying activity. 

Some current stats about cyberbullying straight from Covenant Eyes:

•  32% of online teens say they have been targets of a range of annoying or potentially menacing online activities. 15% of teens overall say someone has forwarded or posted a private message they’ve written, 13% say someone has spread a rumor about them online, 13% say someone has sent them a threatening or aggressive message, and 6% say someone has posted embarrassing pictures of them online.
•  88% of social media-using teens say they have seen someone be mean or cruel to another person on a social network site. 12% of these say they witness this kind of behavior “frequently.”
•  When teens see others being mean or cruel on social networks, frequently 55%  see other people just ignoring what is going on, 27% see others defending the victim, 20% see others telling the offender to stop, and 19% see others join in on the harassment.
• 36% of teens who have witnessed others being cruel on social networks have looked to someone for advice about what to do.
• 1 in 6 parents know their child has been bullied over social media. In over half of these cases, their child was a repeat victim. Over half of parents whose children have social media accounts are concerned about cyberbullying and more than three-quarters of parents have discussed the issue of online bullying with their children.
•  “Hyper-networking” teens (those who spend more than three hours per school day on online social networks) are 110% more likely to be a victim of cyberbullying, compared to those who don’t spend as much time on social networks.

For more information on this topic, here are some sites I have found that may be of service to you:

• www.ncpc.org provides information about stopping cyberbullying before it starts.
• Stop Cyberbullying Before It Starts (PDF) provides useful information for parents.
• Cyberbullying.us provides cyberbullying research, stories, cases, downloads, fact sheets, tips and strategies, news headlines, a blog, and a number of other helpful resources on their comprehensive public service website.
• www.stopcyberbullying.org has a fun quiz to rate your online behavior, information about why some people cyberbully, and how to stop yourself from cyberbullying.
• www.wiredsafety.com provides information about what to do if you are cyberbullied.
• www.stopbullyingnow.com has information about what you can do to stop bullying.

Ok, so LARP

LARP fight

Sooo I have been back from LARP for about a week. I would have written sooner but I came back very sore and with a case of the flu that took a bit to get over. Then I started looking for one-way flights and got very distracted from blogging about LARP. So, as promised, here is the low-down on my first LARP experience:

Overall, I was overwhelmed. It was like being in a completely new place. Things were much bigger and complex than I had expected. There were more rules to follow and a total different set of social rules to follow, some of which were very bizarre and hard to follow because sometimes people were in-character (IC) and sometimes they were not. It made it difficult sometimes (mostly at night when people were drinking) to distinguish over when people were talking IC about life or OC (out-of-character) about life. 

Thinking about how I should explain it all, I suppose starting from the beginning of the weekend and taking a chronological approach, inserting in-depth explanations when necessary, is the most logical way to go about this event. 

We got there on Thursday, a day before the event was due to start. Alex and Grant headed up early afternoon in Grant's car that was stuffed to the brim with things we needed first and Grant#s personal things. Since there was way more stuff to take and no more room in Grant's car, Alan (Alex's dad) drove me up early evening. It took ages for us to get there die to being stuck behind tractor and hitting rush hour traffic. The 40 minute drive the the nature reserve took almost 2 hrs. 

When I arrived it was gloomy, cold, and raining. The boys had our sleeping tents set up as well as one that was given to them by a friend in our party. Turns out that tent was a crappy, cheap one and they broke it setting it up, having to duct tape it to the ground. It survived the weekend ok, but the guy who it belongs to is going for a legit tent next time instead of a child's tent. The IC tent was also set up when I arrived. I was pleased about this because that meant I had somewhere dry to sit. As they finished getting tents set up and helping set up some of the things in our faction's various IC tents (each of the 10 factions had a reserved camping site roped off that designated space for their party's tents (both IC and OC) and marked their pretend territory/country for the event). I was in charge of decorating the inside of the IC tent - covering the floor with carpets and rugs, setting up the camping chairs, organizing the food and drink bins, hanging little decorative things such as maps and banners. 

The first night was overall uneventful. We took a trip to ASDA to get food supplies and last minute items. Had our last hot, cooked meal for the weekend at a local pub, and then did a small amount of socializing with LARP people before going to be in a freezing cold tent. 

The first full day was very overwhelming. There was around 1500 people at this event. The set up had 4 factions at one end (where we were placed, by the manner house), the marketplace in the middle, and the remaining 6 factions spread next to and on the far side of the marketplace. This marketplace did include all of the things I expected. There was a series of tents that had kit for sale - lots of weapons and clothing but also some practical things like hand warmers or random accessories they thought could sell to the crowd. There was also a long row of food vendors - chip shops, pizza, ice cream stand, tea, burgers, stews, ect. It was a bit expensive but we did indulge a few times because warm food was needed and cooking over the baby camping stove took ages with only one small pan and a kettle. There was also huge, circus-sized tents that made up the marketplace. In one tent was a ritual circle, another the brothel and casino, a pub, and a third housed all the guilds and a bank.

We did go see a ritual on the second full day of LARP. It consisted of a nature decorated tent that has a huge circle with a pretend alter in the center and a doorway where smoke and such came out of as well as monsters and things. People could stand around about half of it to watch the ritual take place. Certain people in LARP can contribute to rituals, depending on what skills they have taken and how much power they have left. Anybody can watch, but sometimes if a ritual "goes wrong" (essentially decided literally by the rolling of a dice) then spectators can get harmed or even killed during one. It basically is a 20-30 minute timed performance you work out with other contributors from your faction. The idea is to ask something from a god, which may or may be granted by them. The ritual is graded by the refs on a variety of things - length, relevance, audience participation, etc. They get a 1 - 10 grade which will determine how successful the ritual went. If it is too low then bad things happen, if it is a 9 or 10 then you get granted more than what you asked for from the god. It was entertaining to watch for the most part. The one we watched was sheriffs from our faction asking for protective powers. They were granted what they wished for in the form of channelling their powers into protective amulets they then must wear.

I did not go to the brothel (altho Alex promised me he would pay for me to get a massage in IC money next time, which I am excited for) casino or pub. The pub costs real money and has wooden benches and tables for people to sit at. I peeked in but we brought our own drinks and could sit in our IC tent to enjoy them. The casino takes IC money and has a minimum buy-in which I did not have in order to partake. You put the buy-in in the middle then play various card games. The winner gets the IC money. 

 

I did go to the guild tent several times. There are guilds for many of the things you can do at LARP. To join some you have to pay a yearly fee in IC money so that you can use the facilities it provides and get the benefits of joining it. All of them have meetings and research groups and help provide training for new people in various LARP skills. 

 

Initially, I did have to visit the healers guild because that is what my character card said I was skilled in. We changed it later, but I will explain that later. LOL. So the healing guild was probably the lamest looking of all of them - just a table where people were handing out spells cards to healers. When you are a healer, depending on your skill level, you have a certain type and number of spells you can use a day. You have to visit the guild to get these cards and then keep them during the vent. Each day has a different color of cards and when you use one you have to rip it up. The next day starts over with the same number of cards but in a new color. Here Irene and I also spoke to a really nice girl that explained (OC, thankfully) how to do spells. Basically we had to do this little one lined chant to check people for wounds, patterns (what species/race), diseases, or poisons. They then tell you if they have any of those. The healer then chooses a spell that will fix whatever the problem is and has to chant it for 10 seconds. There are required words in the chant and the rest can be made up and personalized or repeated, as long as the chant is constant for 10 seconds per point of damage they are healing. She explained all sorts of spells and how to heal various things. It was way too much information at once, but I absorbed some of it.

 

Over the course of the weekend I also visited the bank, where most people keep all of their IC money so that they cannot be mugged for it. Yes, getting mugged happens alot. 

 

I started the weekend being a healer and was not satisfied with it. I don't like the whole casting spells thing. Alex took me to 'god' and got my character card changed. This is an OC tent next to all the showers and first aide and monster tent, etc....all of the OC stuff. Here is where you go if your character dies during the weekend and you need to make a new character. Also, if you want other things changed or added you can do it here. Since it was y first event and they messed up my character card anyways, I changed mine for free of charge. Otherwise it would have cost me pretend skill points. I changed to a physician/doctor that used herbs and created potions. From there I went to joint the alchemist guild with Alex. Since I used herbs, I got to reach into a bag and pick out a number of herb cards depending on my skill level. I got 4. They are used once to do different healing type things with herbs. You rip the card when you use it, like a healing spell. The cards say what the herb is and what it does. Some people actually get some fake herbs so they have something real to show to people or work with. 

 

At the alchemist guild (which was decorated like a laboratory on the inside) you can make potions and poisons, assuming you have those skills. You are allowed to make a certain variety and number of  them, depending on your skill level. Alex let me go in with him since I had never been in before. The man in there sat down with me and explained everything OC - how to make potions, how to upgrade them, etc. For each you make you get a little laminated tag with a number on it and you can attach it to a bottle you can fill with whatever. Alex was nice enough to give me one of his bottles. They do supply them for you, but they only have a limited amount of them. The potions and poisons can only be used once and you take the end of it off and throw the laminated bit away when you are done. The potions and poisons do have a shelf life of a year. Some of them you pretend to drink, others are like ointments, some are gaseous. You can ingest them, rub them on things (like poison on a sword) etc. People get very creative with them. A whole tent of people were poisoned by a gas on the first full day, 3 hrs into play. 

They also have guilds for other things like people who cast spells or do enchanted things. I did not visit these since I couldn't go in anyways.

Many of the guilds give out free training vouchers to the factions, that are then distributed so that players can get advanced skills for free at the events. They have lots of other trainings you can just attend to learn the gist of what is going on or how to do something.

Throughout the weekend there was several big battles. The end had a huge one in the marketplace area where all 10 factions attended and fought. They fight people who volunteer to be monsters. Each faction has designated monster slots where they ask for people to volunteer for a space of 2 hours to be a monster for another faction. A lot of people do it because other factions are volunteering to be monsters for you to fight as well. It makes it fair and a lot of people like getting to use cool powers and wear crazy costumes for a bit, without caring if their character dies. I did not take part in this due to not wanting to hurt my back, but Alex and some of our friends did.

The factions also are at war, so to speak, with other factions, so often times other factions would try to sneak into other camps and steal things or kill people. Factions also have their own story lines and plot ideas that ar put into place by the people that run the event. I couldn't tell you what all of the ones going on with my faction were. It was all a bit overwhelming to keep straight. I do know that the queen of our faction is pregnant in real life so they had another faction summon monsters and capture her at the last event. This way she could be gone through her pregnancy and not mess up anything. So our faction doesn't like some other ones and wants to work out where the queen is.

Other than the big battles and smaller side missions, individual characters and groups within the factions have their own goals and objectives. One of the people that died with the gas poison in the tent was from our faction originally and he was a close friend of some people in our group still. Therefore, we had to have a pretend funeral for his character. It was a bit bizarre for me and too over the top. We had to travel to the other faction, find his pretend invisible body, collect it, and carry it to a transport circle. The transport circle was a big circle of fake rocks we had to stand in while the leader transported us to somewhere we could bury it at an ancient temple that was part of our group,....or something. No, we did not have to read a eulogy and no we did not have a person in a casket and no we did not have to pretend to carry someone. We did, however, have to kneel on the ground in a circle (designating that we are OC/invisible but sticking up a finger in the air) and then do a pretend role-play thing where the leader described what was happening and people added in what their characters would do. Everyone was pretty quiet and only a few people added things in. It was awkward. Then we had to stand in the transport circle and come back to the present LARP thing.....yeah, it was a bit much for me. 

The only other really interesting thing I can think that happened to me was getting yelled at by 2 girls in my faction for not following rules. Our group was about to go to the marketplace for some tea when the kids group (who normally are off in their own area) came to the gate of our faction. They had some story about looking for something, so people let them in and a few of them looked around while the rest for the kids stood at the gate. The kids then suddenly charged all of the adults and started hitting them with swords, etc. I have no interest in fighting children who are hitting me with things, particularly when I have no weapon to defend myself with. Irene and I decided that we would go back to the tent until the kids were gone and we could get passed to get tea. As I was walking a kid hit me in the back with a sword. I kept walking. Some really rude girl I hadn't spoken to and her friend came up to me and started having a go at me for getting hit. She kept asking if I got hit and why I wasn't doing anything about it. I explained that I was going to my tent and that I just wanted some tea, not to fight little kids. She just repeated herself and droned on about how kids count as a real attack and if I get hit how it is real, and counts. I asked her what she wanted me to do and she just starred at me and then went on about if I am OC then I need to continually hold up my finger so that everyone knows. She did a lot more repeating and was a lot more rude than this sounds. I finally turned to Irene and asked her to please heal me. She did. I then turned to the girls and said "there. are you happy? am I allowed to go now?" then turned around and walked away. I didn't speak to them for the rest of the weekend. They are on Irene and my hit list for a future event. lol

Overall the event was cold and wet. It briefly snowed off and on one afternoon, nothing that collected though. We had a good time but I spent most of it observing what was going on and trying to make sense of it. I think then next time I go will be much better, as the weather is supposed to be better and now I know what I am doing. I intend on taking way more photos so that everyone can see what its like and the interesting costumes. Overall, people were very nice and felt bad that my first event had such bad weather, as it hindered people from going all out and having the general parties they usually do at night. 

The next event is in a few weeks and I intend on going, even though there will be fewer people I know that are attending. I figure with not knowing when I will be back next., I do not really want to spend 5 days away from Alex when I can be running around in a fun costume with him in a world where I do not have to worry about things. I look forward to it.

A Point of Refocus

 Taking a break whilst setting up at larp

As my extended trip to the UK sadly draws to a close and I begin to look for one-way flights instead of the two-way one I was hoping for, I am beginning to refocus myself . By this I mean mostly refocusing my mind. 

This trip has been wonderful in many ways. It has also been difficult. I have written a little about some of the struggles I have faced, but have definitely left some of it out. Although I am still bitter that I will have to leave and may not be able to come back, I am trying to slowly accept this as reality and try to plan for what is next. I am truly gutted about leaving. I do not want to go. The thought of not knowing when I will be able to return to this country in which I feel like I belong is a tough pill to swallow. Despite not finding a job, I do think I belong here. The economy sucks, as it does everywhere, and essentially I am about to fail at my main mission of this trip. 

I suppose it is not all a failure, although I do know several people who will be rubbing it in my face as such. I have to be honest, I am scared a bit of that failure. I am not ready to face this again. It is a repeat of the last time I came seeking a job and left empty handed. 

The good thing about this is that last time it only took a few months to get moving to the next thing. The break being here was much needed this time as it was last time. It has made me grow as a person and given me time to contemplate what I really want and need in my life. The results were a bit surprising to me if I am being totally honest. I know here soon I will be ok with how things are turning up.

Right now I have 27 windows up on this computer. All of them are about possible options for what is next in my life. I have no idea if one or any of them will turn out being what happens. I hope one of them does though. My mind is going a million directions right now and it is hard for me to focus on just one thing. It is probably making quite the disjointed blog for everyone to read. At least it is a candid look into what is going on for me at this moment. The odd thing about my mind going to all of these places is that, for once, I am not feeling panicked about not knowing what is going to happen. I have always believed in the saying "everything happens for a reason" and "things will work out as they should". This is not to say that I do not believe I have a hand in what happens, just that I know God will guide me to what is right for me. It does get frustrating for me to not know where I will be going and I have often written about my impatience with myself and with my stage in life when I know where I want it to go but have no control over making myself get there. This is something I have worked on with myself over the past few years. During stressful times it does still happen to me. 

Lately I have been quite stressed out. Not sleeping well and having odd dreams. Worrying and fretting over what is about to happen. It still terrifies me when I sit and think about it. I do not have a job, I have loans to pay back in 2 months, I probably wont be able to return to the UK for quite awhile once I leave in a few months, and most of all - I am not willing to face leaving Alex and doing long-distance again. I know Alex worries about all of this too, but I am certainly more worried and more vocal about these concerns. 

I can't help it, in a lot of ways I think I want to be settled and have things worked out easily like everyone else seems to be able to do. But that is not me. It never really has been and never will be, I don't think it is that I compare myself to others, I think it is just that I get so much pressure from people and places to have things in order and to do things in a more traditional way. This does weigh on me to an extent, particularly now when I have zero idea or plan as to what is going on (yes, another one of my weaknesses....at least I know what they are and can identify them for myself. That helps). I have always done things the hard way or a different way or my way. Rarely ever in-line with other people. This is both a good and bad thing. I think eventually it will turn out to be a very good thing and lead to me doing big things. I am just not past the point of struggling yet. In a lot of ways I think I even like the struggle and the challenge of making my own way of things. I enjoy paving my own path and doing things that are new. Its exciting and rewarding in its self, but a great struggle sometimes to get through that process.

My younger sister (who will probably read this at some point as I know she is one of the few that actually does) told me the other week that she thinks my motto is (and excuse the language as I very rarely use curse words) "F*** the world, Imma be me". I do think the language is a bit strong, but the passion and drive is there. I asked Alex what he thought about this motto for me and he agreed that it pretty much described me as I always figure out a way to do things my way and do what I want to do without letting others stop me. I do suppose I have to agree with this motto, but it is not without struggle and some emotional pain on my part that I come to the decisions I make and then pursue.

Would I be happy with making other choices besides the hard ones? Yes I think so. Not as happy and content, but happy enough to carry on for awhile before I would need to make a bigger decision. After reflection on things, I think I would be happy and content living in England with Alex and working a job below my educational level in the field. It would be an easy choice if I could find a bloody job. Sadly, I am not finding one and it looks very unlikely that I will. I would have been content with that choice for several years, I am confident in that. As I have said before, it is the getting a visa that people do not want to deal with in this economy.

I am now presented with new options I must choose from. I think that sadly many of the realistic ones require me to be away from England for a lengthy time and from Alex for a bit as well. Although I am not looking forword to that, it may just come down to that being reality. I am hoping to sit down and further discuss things with Alex in the next few days, once he is done with University. After that and some thinking I might be able to put some of the other suggestions out there. Some small hints include more education, living in the states, and getting married. All three are completely different and separate ideas. Like usual, probably none of them will work out, but knowing me I have to try. 

As my mind continues to zoom I am beginning to have less of an interest in this blog and more of an interest in further exploring my options. I keep getting distracted by my own thoughts and all of the other windows that are up on the screen, even tho I minimized all of them to write this. 

Overall, I think the point is that even though I still have major reservations about the future, I am not freaking out like I have been. I am starting to feel comfortable that something, the right thing, will come my way soon. I feel like I have almost found it and stumbled upon the correct answer for me and my future. Not quite yet, but that cannot be rushed. It will come. And then I will plan for it and make announcements and go for it. 

The main thing is that I have regained my focus on what matters - my overall happiness and not just specific happiness in one area of my life. There will always be things that are not perfect and I wish I could change. That is part of life. I am not going to worry about jobs and making the right choice and career paths and choosing between countries and my relationships. I am going to focus on enjoying what I have while I have it and on figuring out what the next step will be. Life will go on either way and I can only be sure I have this one. I need to make it good and enjoy it as much as possible. I used to do that and have, over the last month or so, gotten caught up in the pressure of figuring things out. I have still enjoyed things but have been hindered by my own insecurities and worries. I am not going to let them over power me anymore. I am choosing to be my best me and enjoy everything as much as I can. And I will do that. 

Sidebar - I have been thinking that I do not want to be a practitioner and sit in an office working with a caseload. That is most certainly the obvious choice given the degree I just obtained, but not my cup of tea. I know that will be part of what I do and am very happy with that. But I do not want that being my main career. I want more. I think research is the way to go. It makes sense for me - always challenging and doing things my own way, constant learning and pushing myself, working for the greater good and to contribute to my field. It seems right to me.....I also still want to open my own residential facility one day. I do not think myself or the world is quite ready for that one yet though :)

Sorry for the odd blog. Again, I know it is disjointed and that some of you probably wanted to hear about larp. I will write all about that one on Monday when Alex is at school. I just needed to spill some of this out I think and had nobody physically here to spill it out to. So thanks for "listening" to me ramble :)