just got back on Friday afternoon. it was a productive and necessary trip. i am glad i went, altho it was a difficult trip for many reasons. all if fine. i am suffering from the usual emotions when returning. its exhausting to let myself process everything slowly. i hate the situation i am in. i hate not knowing what is going to happen. leaves me feeling insecure and anxious. ill survive and make due. i always do. thats the price i pay for the life i choose to lead. i look forward to it being over soon. its wearing on me. never really gets easier like i had hoped it would. dont even know why i am writing this if i am being honest. it is just coming across as pessimistic. guess ill be done. this is becoming pointless. back to cuddling morris and vacantly watching tv in an attempt to distract my mind. i need to get motivated to do a hobby or something....
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