I am an emotional creature.
It is interesting to me that I write this blog as I am in such high spirits. I am not far removed from the struggle of this past week and yet something in me has settled, plopping me into positive affect. I haven't a clue how this happened, but it has. The reason does not matter, nor is it the interesting part. Even I find it peculiar that I would reflect upon 'feeling down', and even show preference of it to a certain extent, when not actually enthralled in the world of emotion that I know so well.
I am an emo. Mascaraed eyes painted in tears that are wiped clean with thumb-holed sleeves.
This is what I am at heart. I adore the mess that stares back at me in the mirror - all smudged with black and red eyed. After a good cry I always look at myself and smile on the inside. It is when I feel beautiful. Alive. Meaningful. Artistic.
And I love it.
Crave it even.
Powerless. Lonely. Lost. Insecure.
These feel like home.
It reminds me to cherish the good and that everything bad I go through has meaning. It gives me the strength and motivation to be independent and dig myself out of the downfall.
That's what life is about, it's it? Making your way through the burning rubble so you can take the sigh of relief that you are still alive....then you cross the bridge in awe of the majestic scenery that lies ahead while never forgetting the scars that linger with you.
The sick, twisted thing is that I enjoy that suffering. It feels horrid yet favorable. I actually kick myself later if I did not spend time completely engulfed in the emotion. Allowing myself to feel the emotion and suffering seeping from me has an almost exhilarating quality to it.
Do not get me wrong. I enjoy the feeling of happiness - with its carefree nature and sense of confidence. It is good to be in that state. The down side of happiness is that people take it for granted. They forget to feel it. It is like they get used to it, it is felt with less potency, and then it fades into the background, continuing to be in an unnoticed fashion.
But feeling down. Really down. People do not stop experiencing that. They dwell on it and let it fully consume their entire world. The misery is lived, but not appreciated by most. I can appreciate it. It makes the good better and more worthwhile. After time, you start to actually enjoy the misery.
Me, I live for it.....and it makes love, true love, simply indescribable.
And true love is something you have no other choice but to cherish.
I definitely cherish someone.
It is interesting to me that I write this blog as I am in such high spirits. I am not far removed from the struggle of this past week and yet something in me has settled, plopping me into positive affect. I haven't a clue how this happened, but it has. The reason does not matter, nor is it the interesting part. Even I find it peculiar that I would reflect upon 'feeling down', and even show preference of it to a certain extent, when not actually enthralled in the world of emotion that I know so well.
I am an emo. Mascaraed eyes painted in tears that are wiped clean with thumb-holed sleeves.
This is what I am at heart. I adore the mess that stares back at me in the mirror - all smudged with black and red eyed. After a good cry I always look at myself and smile on the inside. It is when I feel beautiful. Alive. Meaningful. Artistic.
And I love it.
Crave it even.
Powerless. Lonely. Lost. Insecure.
These feel like home.
It reminds me to cherish the good and that everything bad I go through has meaning. It gives me the strength and motivation to be independent and dig myself out of the downfall.
That's what life is about, it's it? Making your way through the burning rubble so you can take the sigh of relief that you are still alive....then you cross the bridge in awe of the majestic scenery that lies ahead while never forgetting the scars that linger with you.
The sick, twisted thing is that I enjoy that suffering. It feels horrid yet favorable. I actually kick myself later if I did not spend time completely engulfed in the emotion. Allowing myself to feel the emotion and suffering seeping from me has an almost exhilarating quality to it.
Do not get me wrong. I enjoy the feeling of happiness - with its carefree nature and sense of confidence. It is good to be in that state. The down side of happiness is that people take it for granted. They forget to feel it. It is like they get used to it, it is felt with less potency, and then it fades into the background, continuing to be in an unnoticed fashion.
But feeling down. Really down. People do not stop experiencing that. They dwell on it and let it fully consume their entire world. The misery is lived, but not appreciated by most. I can appreciate it. It makes the good better and more worthwhile. After time, you start to actually enjoy the misery.
Me, I live for it.....and it makes love, true love, simply indescribable.
And true love is something you have no other choice but to cherish.
I definitely cherish someone.
my recommendation: live for the feeling of feeling down
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