Ok, so LARP

LARP fight

Sooo I have been back from LARP for about a week. I would have written sooner but I came back very sore and with a case of the flu that took a bit to get over. Then I started looking for one-way flights and got very distracted from blogging about LARP. So, as promised, here is the low-down on my first LARP experience:

Overall, I was overwhelmed. It was like being in a completely new place. Things were much bigger and complex than I had expected. There were more rules to follow and a total different set of social rules to follow, some of which were very bizarre and hard to follow because sometimes people were in-character (IC) and sometimes they were not. It made it difficult sometimes (mostly at night when people were drinking) to distinguish over when people were talking IC about life or OC (out-of-character) about life. 

Thinking about how I should explain it all, I suppose starting from the beginning of the weekend and taking a chronological approach, inserting in-depth explanations when necessary, is the most logical way to go about this event. 

We got there on Thursday, a day before the event was due to start. Alex and Grant headed up early afternoon in Grant's car that was stuffed to the brim with things we needed first and Grant#s personal things. Since there was way more stuff to take and no more room in Grant's car, Alan (Alex's dad) drove me up early evening. It took ages for us to get there die to being stuck behind tractor and hitting rush hour traffic. The 40 minute drive the the nature reserve took almost 2 hrs. 

When I arrived it was gloomy, cold, and raining. The boys had our sleeping tents set up as well as one that was given to them by a friend in our party. Turns out that tent was a crappy, cheap one and they broke it setting it up, having to duct tape it to the ground. It survived the weekend ok, but the guy who it belongs to is going for a legit tent next time instead of a child's tent. The IC tent was also set up when I arrived. I was pleased about this because that meant I had somewhere dry to sit. As they finished getting tents set up and helping set up some of the things in our faction's various IC tents (each of the 10 factions had a reserved camping site roped off that designated space for their party's tents (both IC and OC) and marked their pretend territory/country for the event). I was in charge of decorating the inside of the IC tent - covering the floor with carpets and rugs, setting up the camping chairs, organizing the food and drink bins, hanging little decorative things such as maps and banners. 

The first night was overall uneventful. We took a trip to ASDA to get food supplies and last minute items. Had our last hot, cooked meal for the weekend at a local pub, and then did a small amount of socializing with LARP people before going to be in a freezing cold tent. 

The first full day was very overwhelming. There was around 1500 people at this event. The set up had 4 factions at one end (where we were placed, by the manner house), the marketplace in the middle, and the remaining 6 factions spread next to and on the far side of the marketplace. This marketplace did include all of the things I expected. There was a series of tents that had kit for sale - lots of weapons and clothing but also some practical things like hand warmers or random accessories they thought could sell to the crowd. There was also a long row of food vendors - chip shops, pizza, ice cream stand, tea, burgers, stews, ect. It was a bit expensive but we did indulge a few times because warm food was needed and cooking over the baby camping stove took ages with only one small pan and a kettle. There was also huge, circus-sized tents that made up the marketplace. In one tent was a ritual circle, another the brothel and casino, a pub, and a third housed all the guilds and a bank.

We did go see a ritual on the second full day of LARP. It consisted of a nature decorated tent that has a huge circle with a pretend alter in the center and a doorway where smoke and such came out of as well as monsters and things. People could stand around about half of it to watch the ritual take place. Certain people in LARP can contribute to rituals, depending on what skills they have taken and how much power they have left. Anybody can watch, but sometimes if a ritual "goes wrong" (essentially decided literally by the rolling of a dice) then spectators can get harmed or even killed during one. It basically is a 20-30 minute timed performance you work out with other contributors from your faction. The idea is to ask something from a god, which may or may be granted by them. The ritual is graded by the refs on a variety of things - length, relevance, audience participation, etc. They get a 1 - 10 grade which will determine how successful the ritual went. If it is too low then bad things happen, if it is a 9 or 10 then you get granted more than what you asked for from the god. It was entertaining to watch for the most part. The one we watched was sheriffs from our faction asking for protective powers. They were granted what they wished for in the form of channelling their powers into protective amulets they then must wear.

I did not go to the brothel (altho Alex promised me he would pay for me to get a massage in IC money next time, which I am excited for) casino or pub. The pub costs real money and has wooden benches and tables for people to sit at. I peeked in but we brought our own drinks and could sit in our IC tent to enjoy them. The casino takes IC money and has a minimum buy-in which I did not have in order to partake. You put the buy-in in the middle then play various card games. The winner gets the IC money. 

 

I did go to the guild tent several times. There are guilds for many of the things you can do at LARP. To join some you have to pay a yearly fee in IC money so that you can use the facilities it provides and get the benefits of joining it. All of them have meetings and research groups and help provide training for new people in various LARP skills. 

 

Initially, I did have to visit the healers guild because that is what my character card said I was skilled in. We changed it later, but I will explain that later. LOL. So the healing guild was probably the lamest looking of all of them - just a table where people were handing out spells cards to healers. When you are a healer, depending on your skill level, you have a certain type and number of spells you can use a day. You have to visit the guild to get these cards and then keep them during the vent. Each day has a different color of cards and when you use one you have to rip it up. The next day starts over with the same number of cards but in a new color. Here Irene and I also spoke to a really nice girl that explained (OC, thankfully) how to do spells. Basically we had to do this little one lined chant to check people for wounds, patterns (what species/race), diseases, or poisons. They then tell you if they have any of those. The healer then chooses a spell that will fix whatever the problem is and has to chant it for 10 seconds. There are required words in the chant and the rest can be made up and personalized or repeated, as long as the chant is constant for 10 seconds per point of damage they are healing. She explained all sorts of spells and how to heal various things. It was way too much information at once, but I absorbed some of it.

 

Over the course of the weekend I also visited the bank, where most people keep all of their IC money so that they cannot be mugged for it. Yes, getting mugged happens alot. 

 

I started the weekend being a healer and was not satisfied with it. I don't like the whole casting spells thing. Alex took me to 'god' and got my character card changed. This is an OC tent next to all the showers and first aide and monster tent, etc....all of the OC stuff. Here is where you go if your character dies during the weekend and you need to make a new character. Also, if you want other things changed or added you can do it here. Since it was y first event and they messed up my character card anyways, I changed mine for free of charge. Otherwise it would have cost me pretend skill points. I changed to a physician/doctor that used herbs and created potions. From there I went to joint the alchemist guild with Alex. Since I used herbs, I got to reach into a bag and pick out a number of herb cards depending on my skill level. I got 4. They are used once to do different healing type things with herbs. You rip the card when you use it, like a healing spell. The cards say what the herb is and what it does. Some people actually get some fake herbs so they have something real to show to people or work with. 

 

At the alchemist guild (which was decorated like a laboratory on the inside) you can make potions and poisons, assuming you have those skills. You are allowed to make a certain variety and number of  them, depending on your skill level. Alex let me go in with him since I had never been in before. The man in there sat down with me and explained everything OC - how to make potions, how to upgrade them, etc. For each you make you get a little laminated tag with a number on it and you can attach it to a bottle you can fill with whatever. Alex was nice enough to give me one of his bottles. They do supply them for you, but they only have a limited amount of them. The potions and poisons can only be used once and you take the end of it off and throw the laminated bit away when you are done. The potions and poisons do have a shelf life of a year. Some of them you pretend to drink, others are like ointments, some are gaseous. You can ingest them, rub them on things (like poison on a sword) etc. People get very creative with them. A whole tent of people were poisoned by a gas on the first full day, 3 hrs into play. 

They also have guilds for other things like people who cast spells or do enchanted things. I did not visit these since I couldn't go in anyways.

Many of the guilds give out free training vouchers to the factions, that are then distributed so that players can get advanced skills for free at the events. They have lots of other trainings you can just attend to learn the gist of what is going on or how to do something.

Throughout the weekend there was several big battles. The end had a huge one in the marketplace area where all 10 factions attended and fought. They fight people who volunteer to be monsters. Each faction has designated monster slots where they ask for people to volunteer for a space of 2 hours to be a monster for another faction. A lot of people do it because other factions are volunteering to be monsters for you to fight as well. It makes it fair and a lot of people like getting to use cool powers and wear crazy costumes for a bit, without caring if their character dies. I did not take part in this due to not wanting to hurt my back, but Alex and some of our friends did.

The factions also are at war, so to speak, with other factions, so often times other factions would try to sneak into other camps and steal things or kill people. Factions also have their own story lines and plot ideas that ar put into place by the people that run the event. I couldn't tell you what all of the ones going on with my faction were. It was all a bit overwhelming to keep straight. I do know that the queen of our faction is pregnant in real life so they had another faction summon monsters and capture her at the last event. This way she could be gone through her pregnancy and not mess up anything. So our faction doesn't like some other ones and wants to work out where the queen is.

Other than the big battles and smaller side missions, individual characters and groups within the factions have their own goals and objectives. One of the people that died with the gas poison in the tent was from our faction originally and he was a close friend of some people in our group still. Therefore, we had to have a pretend funeral for his character. It was a bit bizarre for me and too over the top. We had to travel to the other faction, find his pretend invisible body, collect it, and carry it to a transport circle. The transport circle was a big circle of fake rocks we had to stand in while the leader transported us to somewhere we could bury it at an ancient temple that was part of our group,....or something. No, we did not have to read a eulogy and no we did not have a person in a casket and no we did not have to pretend to carry someone. We did, however, have to kneel on the ground in a circle (designating that we are OC/invisible but sticking up a finger in the air) and then do a pretend role-play thing where the leader described what was happening and people added in what their characters would do. Everyone was pretty quiet and only a few people added things in. It was awkward. Then we had to stand in the transport circle and come back to the present LARP thing.....yeah, it was a bit much for me. 

The only other really interesting thing I can think that happened to me was getting yelled at by 2 girls in my faction for not following rules. Our group was about to go to the marketplace for some tea when the kids group (who normally are off in their own area) came to the gate of our faction. They had some story about looking for something, so people let them in and a few of them looked around while the rest for the kids stood at the gate. The kids then suddenly charged all of the adults and started hitting them with swords, etc. I have no interest in fighting children who are hitting me with things, particularly when I have no weapon to defend myself with. Irene and I decided that we would go back to the tent until the kids were gone and we could get passed to get tea. As I was walking a kid hit me in the back with a sword. I kept walking. Some really rude girl I hadn't spoken to and her friend came up to me and started having a go at me for getting hit. She kept asking if I got hit and why I wasn't doing anything about it. I explained that I was going to my tent and that I just wanted some tea, not to fight little kids. She just repeated herself and droned on about how kids count as a real attack and if I get hit how it is real, and counts. I asked her what she wanted me to do and she just starred at me and then went on about if I am OC then I need to continually hold up my finger so that everyone knows. She did a lot more repeating and was a lot more rude than this sounds. I finally turned to Irene and asked her to please heal me. She did. I then turned to the girls and said "there. are you happy? am I allowed to go now?" then turned around and walked away. I didn't speak to them for the rest of the weekend. They are on Irene and my hit list for a future event. lol

Overall the event was cold and wet. It briefly snowed off and on one afternoon, nothing that collected though. We had a good time but I spent most of it observing what was going on and trying to make sense of it. I think then next time I go will be much better, as the weather is supposed to be better and now I know what I am doing. I intend on taking way more photos so that everyone can see what its like and the interesting costumes. Overall, people were very nice and felt bad that my first event had such bad weather, as it hindered people from going all out and having the general parties they usually do at night. 

The next event is in a few weeks and I intend on going, even though there will be fewer people I know that are attending. I figure with not knowing when I will be back next., I do not really want to spend 5 days away from Alex when I can be running around in a fun costume with him in a world where I do not have to worry about things. I look forward to it.

A Point of Refocus

 Taking a break whilst setting up at larp

As my extended trip to the UK sadly draws to a close and I begin to look for one-way flights instead of the two-way one I was hoping for, I am beginning to refocus myself . By this I mean mostly refocusing my mind. 

This trip has been wonderful in many ways. It has also been difficult. I have written a little about some of the struggles I have faced, but have definitely left some of it out. Although I am still bitter that I will have to leave and may not be able to come back, I am trying to slowly accept this as reality and try to plan for what is next. I am truly gutted about leaving. I do not want to go. The thought of not knowing when I will be able to return to this country in which I feel like I belong is a tough pill to swallow. Despite not finding a job, I do think I belong here. The economy sucks, as it does everywhere, and essentially I am about to fail at my main mission of this trip. 

I suppose it is not all a failure, although I do know several people who will be rubbing it in my face as such. I have to be honest, I am scared a bit of that failure. I am not ready to face this again. It is a repeat of the last time I came seeking a job and left empty handed. 

The good thing about this is that last time it only took a few months to get moving to the next thing. The break being here was much needed this time as it was last time. It has made me grow as a person and given me time to contemplate what I really want and need in my life. The results were a bit surprising to me if I am being totally honest. I know here soon I will be ok with how things are turning up.

Right now I have 27 windows up on this computer. All of them are about possible options for what is next in my life. I have no idea if one or any of them will turn out being what happens. I hope one of them does though. My mind is going a million directions right now and it is hard for me to focus on just one thing. It is probably making quite the disjointed blog for everyone to read. At least it is a candid look into what is going on for me at this moment. The odd thing about my mind going to all of these places is that, for once, I am not feeling panicked about not knowing what is going to happen. I have always believed in the saying "everything happens for a reason" and "things will work out as they should". This is not to say that I do not believe I have a hand in what happens, just that I know God will guide me to what is right for me. It does get frustrating for me to not know where I will be going and I have often written about my impatience with myself and with my stage in life when I know where I want it to go but have no control over making myself get there. This is something I have worked on with myself over the past few years. During stressful times it does still happen to me. 

Lately I have been quite stressed out. Not sleeping well and having odd dreams. Worrying and fretting over what is about to happen. It still terrifies me when I sit and think about it. I do not have a job, I have loans to pay back in 2 months, I probably wont be able to return to the UK for quite awhile once I leave in a few months, and most of all - I am not willing to face leaving Alex and doing long-distance again. I know Alex worries about all of this too, but I am certainly more worried and more vocal about these concerns. 

I can't help it, in a lot of ways I think I want to be settled and have things worked out easily like everyone else seems to be able to do. But that is not me. It never really has been and never will be, I don't think it is that I compare myself to others, I think it is just that I get so much pressure from people and places to have things in order and to do things in a more traditional way. This does weigh on me to an extent, particularly now when I have zero idea or plan as to what is going on (yes, another one of my weaknesses....at least I know what they are and can identify them for myself. That helps). I have always done things the hard way or a different way or my way. Rarely ever in-line with other people. This is both a good and bad thing. I think eventually it will turn out to be a very good thing and lead to me doing big things. I am just not past the point of struggling yet. In a lot of ways I think I even like the struggle and the challenge of making my own way of things. I enjoy paving my own path and doing things that are new. Its exciting and rewarding in its self, but a great struggle sometimes to get through that process.

My younger sister (who will probably read this at some point as I know she is one of the few that actually does) told me the other week that she thinks my motto is (and excuse the language as I very rarely use curse words) "F*** the world, Imma be me". I do think the language is a bit strong, but the passion and drive is there. I asked Alex what he thought about this motto for me and he agreed that it pretty much described me as I always figure out a way to do things my way and do what I want to do without letting others stop me. I do suppose I have to agree with this motto, but it is not without struggle and some emotional pain on my part that I come to the decisions I make and then pursue.

Would I be happy with making other choices besides the hard ones? Yes I think so. Not as happy and content, but happy enough to carry on for awhile before I would need to make a bigger decision. After reflection on things, I think I would be happy and content living in England with Alex and working a job below my educational level in the field. It would be an easy choice if I could find a bloody job. Sadly, I am not finding one and it looks very unlikely that I will. I would have been content with that choice for several years, I am confident in that. As I have said before, it is the getting a visa that people do not want to deal with in this economy.

I am now presented with new options I must choose from. I think that sadly many of the realistic ones require me to be away from England for a lengthy time and from Alex for a bit as well. Although I am not looking forword to that, it may just come down to that being reality. I am hoping to sit down and further discuss things with Alex in the next few days, once he is done with University. After that and some thinking I might be able to put some of the other suggestions out there. Some small hints include more education, living in the states, and getting married. All three are completely different and separate ideas. Like usual, probably none of them will work out, but knowing me I have to try. 

As my mind continues to zoom I am beginning to have less of an interest in this blog and more of an interest in further exploring my options. I keep getting distracted by my own thoughts and all of the other windows that are up on the screen, even tho I minimized all of them to write this. 

Overall, I think the point is that even though I still have major reservations about the future, I am not freaking out like I have been. I am starting to feel comfortable that something, the right thing, will come my way soon. I feel like I have almost found it and stumbled upon the correct answer for me and my future. Not quite yet, but that cannot be rushed. It will come. And then I will plan for it and make announcements and go for it. 

The main thing is that I have regained my focus on what matters - my overall happiness and not just specific happiness in one area of my life. There will always be things that are not perfect and I wish I could change. That is part of life. I am not going to worry about jobs and making the right choice and career paths and choosing between countries and my relationships. I am going to focus on enjoying what I have while I have it and on figuring out what the next step will be. Life will go on either way and I can only be sure I have this one. I need to make it good and enjoy it as much as possible. I used to do that and have, over the last month or so, gotten caught up in the pressure of figuring things out. I have still enjoyed things but have been hindered by my own insecurities and worries. I am not going to let them over power me anymore. I am choosing to be my best me and enjoy everything as much as I can. And I will do that. 

Sidebar - I have been thinking that I do not want to be a practitioner and sit in an office working with a caseload. That is most certainly the obvious choice given the degree I just obtained, but not my cup of tea. I know that will be part of what I do and am very happy with that. But I do not want that being my main career. I want more. I think research is the way to go. It makes sense for me - always challenging and doing things my own way, constant learning and pushing myself, working for the greater good and to contribute to my field. It seems right to me.....I also still want to open my own residential facility one day. I do not think myself or the world is quite ready for that one yet though :)

Sorry for the odd blog. Again, I know it is disjointed and that some of you probably wanted to hear about larp. I will write all about that one on Monday when Alex is at school. I just needed to spill some of this out I think and had nobody physically here to spill it out to. So thanks for "listening" to me ramble :)

Test of Geekdom

This is Schrodinger. He is coming to larp with me.

This week coming up is larp. I do not think I have really mentioned larp yet in this blog so here we go. I will attempt to explain it as best as I can. Since I do not fully understand it all and have never attended such an event, my description may not be the best. Please bare with me. I am sure you will find it both interesting and strange all rolled into one. 

The event is this Friday through Monday. We are going up on Thursday to get all settled in and prepared, as we have a large group of people going and do not want to be rushing around attempting to get organized when the event starts. We have sleeping tents and a big, daytime tent that will be decorated to get set up.

The easiest way I can think to describe it (and a way that makes it  appeal to a wider audience) is by explaining it as a long weekend of camping paired with costumes and alcohol consumption. I will be sleeping in a tent on a nature reserve and have access to typical camp/fair ground facilities. There are large trailers with individual shower stalls and other trailers with toilets and sinks. This camping type trip is combined with a Renaissance type festival. The difference is that all the people whom attend take part in the costumes and activities. It is not all mid-evil, it is all fantasy based. There are tons of food vendors and shops set up in a sort of town like setting - little booths, tents, and other temporary structures people provide services from. From what I understand, there is even a "brothel" (but it just gives backrubs), bar, and  casino. 

You do not pay for things with money in this event. Only food is paid in money, and some other items like weaponry or costume things. Some weaponry and other services (such as the massage parlor or different "in-character" (IC) shops are paid for with pretend plastic coin money.

Yes, you read correctly, weapons and IC. 

People attending have to create a character they will be identified as when they attend the event. You get a list of different skills and an amount of points you can spend on the skills when you join. Most powerful or advanced skills cost more of these imaginary points. Many skills you cannot get until you attended many events are earned lots of points. You get points for joining and you get points for attending events. There are multiple events a year. You basically create a persona, complete with name and back story, to pretend to be for the weekend. You get "kit" (costumes) to wear throughout the weekend that would go along with your character. 

There are many types of things you can be at this event - different races (human, elf, orc, these halfling things that are half human and half whatever kind of animal you want to be) to choose from (some of which you have to "work up to". ie: you can't just join as a vampire or other undead thing, you must work up to it and werewolves start out as little "puppy"  and grow into full werewolves (basically they have to act stupid and can't talk at first)). Once you have a race you pick the kind of trade you want to be, so to speak - you can be a guard or scout, a fighter, a magic person, a criminal, a ritualist, or a healer, for example. You can be a combination of as many of them that you want. You then basically use your imaginary points to choose the skills that go along with your story and character type. 

My character (cuz I know everyone is wondering that) is a healer. I have some magical skills that help me heal with spells I say out loud. Otherwise I chose physician skills and things that will protect me from people attacking me. I will basically not be in the fights they have and will just sit in the back until some of my people get hurt and then heal them. I am going prepared with some decorated band-aids to stick on people as well, just because I think it would be amusing. My name is Ms. Eisley Catsworth. I am dressing in a Victorian/steampunk style and have the cat above as my pet. He will sit on my shoulder during the event.

There will be around 2000 people at this event that participate. Then extra people to sort of police or referee the event (making sure people do not break any rules....yes, there are lots of rules) and the people running all of the shops. 

Each day has a certain number of fights or key events that play out - pretend stuff that go along with the grand storyline of the event. Sorry, but I cannot tell you of that because I am clueless as to what the story is. Each day also has around 10 hours of IC time - time when all these events happen and when people go around on different missions and whatnot. The rest of the time, in the evening mostly, is OC (out of character) time. People mingle, socialize, and drink. Most people stay in their costumes and still use their IC names. Might as well, because everyone is drunk by this time and 2 names to remember for all the people you meet is too complicated.

There are also people that volunteer to be monsters for parts of the event. I am not completely sure how it works, but apparently a lot of people volunter to do it for other factions, since people do it for your factions. The event provides the costumes and weapons to borrow for your time as a monster and you basically get to be really powerful and try to kill players or pervent them from killing you.

They give you pretend money that you can use during this event. Some people choose to use it to purchase kit, others use it at the casino to gamble with, and some try and do things to create more of it for themselves. You can use your pretend powers to sell things to people. Someone with magical powers such as potion making might sell a potion, others that can read different languages may translate scrolls or notes for people, a healer like myself might charge for healing services to people they do not know. Or you can try to steal from others. 

Yes, your character can die in this event. Depending on what kind of armor you are wearing with your costume, each bit of you (head, arm, leg, core) has a certain amount of "hit points". Different weaponry does different amounts of damage. When your hit points get to 0 you are knocked unconscious and cannot move. When you go negative then you are dead. Some spells and such can bring people back from the dead and some weapons give damage that will continue to harm you (your hit points deplete at a certain rate, until you are healed or dead). If your character dies then you have to make up a whole new one and any magical items or skills you had go away. You have to start at a basic level of experience and begin working your way up again.

They have lots of things to do when there is not fighting going on. You can visit shops or the various entertainment things they have going (bands or performances) or you can try and complete other tasks for your little group you belong to (called a faction. I will explain that next). You may be sent on a quest to scout something out or steal something for your faction, you may want to go pay to learn or upgrade a skill you would like to have, or you can go participate in a ritual. Rituals are for people with magic and are these 30 minute performances you have to make up in order to ask a god for something on behalf of yourself or your faction. I don't really understand it more than that. I won't be partaking in that because I do not do that kind of casty magic business. No magic dust, thunderbolt throwing, or imaginary shields for me.

Factions. When you decide to go to an event you have to join a faction. There are 10 factions to choose from, all that stand for certain things, are from different places, and generally do different things. Some are mostly all one race, may believe in a certain god, or do certain tasks. The faction is basically the large group or country that you come from. They are lead by a king and queen (no i do not know how to become one) and you are supposed to follow the king and queens orders. You would not fight against these people and they generally help one another out, even though they may not know each other personally. Within the factions are tons of smaller groups. These are typically made up of different friend groups and such. These are the most important groups as far as I am concerned and are the people you are most allied with. You can, of course, go rogue and not really belong to a group, but you still have to officially belong to one. You have to ask the leader of the group to join.

I am currently part of the Order of the One. I don't really know what it means, its just the one that Alex and everyone is in. They have abig symbol of an eye they put on things. I think there is like 30 people in the group but not all of them come to every event. From what I gather its a bunch of religious fanatics that like to fight. I think, anyways. Pretty much anyone can start a group of their own, provided they meet certain qualifications - a back story, some members, and some officers. Probably other things that I am unaware of as well. My friend Gordon is making his own, which I am joining. I do not know what it is called or anything about it really. He is creating it at this event because thats when he can register for his own group and prove he has the neccassary things to make one....or something. From what he has told me, we are basically travellers that like to steal from people. Should be amusing. I'd rather be in his group because he does not fight at events, something I intend to avoid. Although, interestingly enough, I will carry a dagger for my own protection in my Mary Poppins style handbag. You never know when someone mean will try to mug me. We will still be with Alex's group, but this way we don't have to take orders from anyone and can go do what we want. I think the group Alex is in frowns upon stealing and ripping people off, so its best we have our own little group anyways. I think Graham's girlfriend Irene is going to join us as well. She has never done it before and, like me, really doesn't know what it going on. We just want to dress up, have some drinks, and have fun. I think we should be able to accomplish that. Additionally, we all have a stuffed animal we are going to bring that can talk to us but others cannot hear. A familiar. Mine is the cat, Irene has a pig, and Gordon has a hampster.

As for the rules, I am not really sure of them. Most of them are logical, I think. Alex says everyone is helpful and will be nice since its my first time. Apparently most people are just geeks and want to have a fun weekend with other geeks. Very few people take is seriously and get angry or touchy about things. It should be a very interesting weekend. I am taking my camera with the goal of getting tons of amusing costumes on camera. I am sure I will share with everyone next week of my adventures. 

This is basically going to be a test of my true geekdom. Many of you know I already have quite a geeky side in me. I actually suggested that Alex and his friends try larp several years ago after watching a movie about it. They were against it because they thought it was too geeky for them. They finally tried it about 3 years ago and have been going at least twice a year since. I have never been over here when an event was on, but always promised I would give it a go at least once. I think it will be a really fun weekend, if my back does not reject the idea of sleeping on an air mattress for so long. I will definitely upgrade to a huge geek if I enjoy this event....I think I will like it. The only thing I am worried about is not remembering the rules. (I will not forget my spells and whatnot because they give you cards with what you have to do on it. You get however many cards that your skills points allow you to use per day. ie: if you can cast a certian spell 4 times of heal 20 people then you will get that many laminated cards on a ring thingy so you can remember how many you use. I don't think they keep that close of track though.) The last thing I worry about a little is laughing at the whole thing. Not in a making fun of people way (clearly I am partaking too) but just at the crazy ridiculousness of the whole thing. People will be prancing around in amusing costumes, putting on accents and outrageous personas, and fighting with fake swords in a field. Its enough to make anyone laugh when you step back and take a look at grown people doing these things. But there is no harm in a laugh, I suppose.It is all in good fun and the English are good humored and make fun of themselves a lot anyways.

Jobless and Still Seeking

Sorry I did not post this past Thursday. This is why I am posting now. I will again post on Friday or Saturday when Alex is away.

The reason I did not post past week is that when I would usually have been able to make a post I was in quite the bad mood. I have been working so hard to apply for jobs as of late and nothing as come out of it. I am making small steps towards progress (because the steps I have been making don't even qualify as progress) but nothing has come to me yet. I have had a few place over the past week that have forwarded my information further on in the company. That is good, but I have yet to hear back from those places again. I had a place call me last week and get my hopes up, only to dash them yesterday by calling back to tell me that the position had already started the interview process when he phoned me as so they would not be putting my name forward for interviews because they had some "very strong candidates that seem just great". Lovely thing to bring up when you are telling someone they can't be interviewed for said job. He did tell me they would contact me in the future if they have anything available I may qualify for. The man did seem nice, but not quite up-to-date on things, so hopefully he will get in touch with me in the future.

My main stumbling block seems to be my need for a visa. Places do not want to spend the time and energy on waiting for and working towards the whole visa thing. It has been the reason multiple times that I have not been considered for job postings. Lame but understandable I suppose. I would be angry if I was as qualified for a job as someone from another country and then the job was given tot he other person. I can understand why they say that the job will go to the UK resident if we are equally qualified. However, sometimes I feel like that is just an excuse and that they go with less qualified people so they do not have to do the whole visa thing. I, of course, have no way of actually knowing that. It certainly is my pessimistic assumption, but I can honestly see why a company would do that as well. Either way, I remain jobless and still seeking. 

(I said the name of the title in my blog! Is that like when people say the name of the title in a film? I think it should count for something really...)

I have recently started expanding on the jobs for which I apply. I was sticking to things in the social work and mental health realm. Not only therapy jobs, but anything management, case management, or direct care that targets children and families (this is what I qualify to get a visa for). I have decided to expand this over the past week to HR positions as well. That still is therapy related in a way and has to do with management. I realistically have no clue (now that I think of it) if I can get a visa for that. All I know is that I am only applying for those kinds of positions in big name companies - because they get people over on visas all the time. 

In reality, I am not picky about what I get a job doing. I just want one so that I can stay for awhile. Something to get my foot in the door and familiar with the way mental health agencies and policies work in this country.

I do hope I find one soon.

All of the rejection (and even the lack there of seeing as a lot of companies do not bother to contact you if they are not interested...even if I contact them to inquire about it) does get me down from time to time. It is a real bummer. I spend hours multiple days a week in front of the computer and on my phone, searching and contacting jobs. I tailor each cover letter and CV to the specific posting, based on the job description and personal profile. I thought initially it would be a good idea to go and speak to people in person. It has not gone over well because nowhere takes paper applications or seems to care to speak to me. It is all facelessly online. I am reduced to a collection of emailed information that gets filed away or deleted. Its rough to think about.

I am not all gloom and doom about it. I do lots of prying about it. I know that ultimately, when the time is right, I will find the job for me. It is out there, I just have not found it yet. I do not believe I have missed out on my opportunity because I am doing all I can to find and apply for jobs. I am looking, I just have not found it yet. The time will come and the job that will help to shape my future will make an appearance when the time is right. All happens for a reason, I just do not know the specifics yet. I have faith. I will. 

Until then, I continue to search and stay as positive as possible. It comes and goes in waves. Today I am in a pretty good place about it, despite rejections yesterday and today. Yesterday I had a moment of panic and sorrow. It is to be expected. I am not used to a lot of rejection and am in this strange limbo world I am not used to. I feel useless and lazy at times because I am not being productive and helping others like I was made to do.

First Holiday Away

 The cupcakes I made for Alex and Jo, since they gave up chocolate for Easter

So last Sunday was Easter, obviously. It was my first official holiday away from the family. Major one anyways. I have missed holidays before, since I lived on my own in Wisconsin for two years, but I either celebrated at a different time with my family or did not celebrate at all. This was my first major holiday celebrating with someone else's family. Yes, they technically will be my family officially one day as well. And I suppose then will start the great struggle of working out where we go for what holidays to make things fair. Something I do not look forward to for may reasons. 

As Easter approached I actually became a little nervous about things. What would Alex's family do to celebrate and how would I fit into that? They are not a religious family, but I am so how much would they be adjusting so that I could follow my beliefs? How much do I help out with things? What family would be there? I could go on for a long time with a list of boring questions. I will refrain. In summary, there was lots of questions I had.

I also questioned what my family would do. Its strange to think about how it would go on without me and what I would be missing. For a lot of holidays my family is in a bit of a transition I would say - we are getting used to having our own, immediate family holidays and creating our own traditions. How much would I be messing that up? 

Easter actually turned out not to be a big deal at all. I got up and went to church with Graham, returning to pretty much an unchanged household. It turned out to be a typical Sunday dinner with the edition of dessert, cheese and crackers, wine, his grandparents, and in the dining room off of the nice table setting. Not a big deal at all really. Then that night people came over to play board games and I skyped my family as usual. 

It was actually more of a big deal a few days before and a few after for me. Some of his family I have never met or had only met once before came for a visit. They did not stay at his house, but we went to visit them around the corner at his grandmother's house. It was not bad at all, but I felt a bit quiet because I was unfamiliar with a lot of what people spoke about. Which I think is natural since I am A) not from England and B) not part of the family. Everyone was nice and I enjoyed listening to their stories. 

It actually seems to be more important to partake in some of the other random traditions of this family. Apparently the big horse race of the season is coming up (perhaps tomorrow, I am not really sure) and it is common for people to bet on a horse. Betting is a huge thing here. People bet on every sport played. There are betting stores everywhere that you can go into to bet on a sport or play machines. Like a casino but not as nice and no chips to cash in. There are tons and tons of commericals on tv for betting websites - both for the sports stuff and for online poker or bingo. It is ridiculous how much it is about over here. Alex and his family are not at into all of that betting. I am not sure of anyone I know over here that is, actually. Anyways, apparently everyone bets on this big race of the season. They register online and bet just a pound on a horse or two. If they have a really good feeling then they might do more. 

Its an interesting tradition, really. Everyone watches the race together on tv and whatnot.Its going to be an interesting thing to try out. I guess theres not much to lose. I will probably just pick one with an amusing name. Either way, everyone seems more excited about this then they did about Easter. Seems odd to me but I guess that goes to show the difference in families and how they spend their time creating traditions.