Job Journal for Internship

 

unrelated photo, but Alex recreated Jimmy Johns at his house!

These past two weeks have been a test of my ability to set professional boundaries for myself with co-workers. My caseload has grown to a very respectable 13 clients and I continue to work 30 hours a week. My meditation practices continue to be helpful in managing my stress levels at work and helping me to focus on my clients. Completing them before I leave the office has continued to help me keep work at work. 

Last week I was offered full-time hours at the Eau Claire Academy and a pay raise. This was very complimentary and came out of nowhere. I was very flattered and made that known but was hesitant to accept the offer. I was assertive with my boss and requested the weekend to think the offer over and evaluate whether or not I would be able to handle the extra hours and maintain school. I decided I could not and declined the offer.

Additionally, I had to assert myself with my boss and tell her that I could no longer accept additional clients to my caseload. I am very busy with the client’s I do have and do not want to compromise the quality of my therapy for quantity. At the same time I informed my boss that I if I was going to keep my most recent client on my caseload that I did not feel comfortable completing as much office work as I have been this semester. 

This is a positive development for myself as a professional because I have the tendency to make personal sacrifices for the good of others or the group. Particularly because I am the lowest on the therapy totem pole at the Eau Claire Academy, my intentions all along have been to learn as much as I can and get through without making any waves. This changed once I got hired on and I now feel much more comfortable with the other therapists in the building. I am very proud of myself for standing my ground and asking for what I need from my co-workers. 

My next task at work is to let my boss know that I will not be staying on staff after the end of the year. Since I have officially decided to move overseas post graduation, I have decided that I need to let my boss know so that my clients have time to be transitioned to other therapists and she has time to find another therapist to hire on. I just found out today that she is under the assumption that I will want to sign a full-time contract with benefits once I graduate. My current contract only goes until the semester is over and when I was hired on the plan was to reevaluate my performance at the end of the year. 

My plan is to inform my boss of this information during our next supervision meeting later this week. I think she will be fairly understanding but am somewhat concerned based on what I know that happened to the last therapist that left the facility. Some of my co-workers have said that they would not want to tell our boss so far in advance, but I think it is the right thing to do. I think she will particularly appreciate this because there are two other therapists that are close to going on maternity leave. No matter how it turns out, I think it will be more good practice of my ability to be assertive towards authority figures.

Another advancement in my professional life is what I am doing to fulfill my personal life. I have recently joined a non mental health related club on campus, gotten more involved in my church, and started doing more sewing, cooking, and art in my free time. These have greatly enhanced the quality of my personal life and served as helpful coping skills when my personal life is stressing me out. I am currently logging my recreational activities and coping skills in a journal so I can keep track of which ones are more helpful in a variety of situations. This has been very beneficial and interesting for me to explore. It has helped me to further define my coping skills list to help me effectively manage my emotions.

Domesticated Gal

This is a photo from a recent scavenger hunt Alex created for me. An emo photo one. I had to have the dinner set for the two of us. 

I have chosen this photo due to my recent drive to be a bit more domestic. I have been putting a lot of effort lately into these types of activities. I am better about making an actual, healthy, balanced meal in the evenings after work. I have been doing a lot of sewing and artzy stuff such as painting and crafts. 

I find that these things are really helpful to make my life more meaningful. Sure, sometimes I am really lazy and don't follow through with my intended plans of making an elaborate meal or find the energy to paint at night. But when I do, I find myself to be a bit more fulfilled.

These things are not only helping to further my housewifing skills, keep myself well fed, or to make something pretty while wasting my time. They are also doing more for me. I am using these things as a coping skill. They soothe me and give me a create release at the end of a long, stressful day. They do not always 100% work, but they are helping to make my time here more more quickly. 

I have noticed the weeks flying by lately. I am nearly halfway done with my last semester already! Am I ready for it to be done? Am I ready to transition back into the working work? I think so. This semester has given me the oppertunity to be in a unique half work half school situation. It is a balancing act, and I continue to learn alot about my field and about myself. And I think this is a good thing. I want to be as prepared as possible to join the mental health field in full force. I have no doubt I will succeed, but the more prep the smoother transition. Part of this preparation includes bringing more specification to my coping skills list and finding hobbies that can make my out of work life blossom. I already have coping skills for work (the meditation I spoke about in previous postings continues to go well, thank you for asking) and now my domestic skills seem to be part of my hobbies. I am finding it fun to experiment and am pleased at the success I've been having. I hope to continue these practices to after I complete school so I can carry the level of focus and content I am trying to build in my home environment.

This means a lot to me because if I only live once then I want to make this life worthwhile. After school I will be fairly satisfied with my education level and can begin to build a meaningful career for myself. The rest of my life must follow suit and I think these practices are a big part of that, particularly for someone in my field where others are putting their woes on me all day long.  

Job/Internship Journal

First of all, I have decided that I am going to add a photo to every blog entry, just for fun. So enjoy that. Secondly, my update is on how my big people job as a therapist/my internship. Hope that's ok.

             As my caseload at work/internship continues to grow, I find myself getting more and more busy throughout the work day. Because I am limited on how many hours the ECA will pay me, I often find myself without enough time to properly plan my group therapy sessions. This leaves me to doing it outside of work time. I do not have a problem doing some of this because I know that as I accumulate materials, curriculum, and experience, it will become easier for me to plan group therapy quickly.

            With the addition of added clients comes additional paperwork. Several of my clients are new to the ECA as so I am responsible for administering various evaluations and tests so that I can create treatment plans and recommendations. I do not have much experience in this so it takes me awhile to complete the write-ups, recommendations, and treatment plans. So far, other staff members have been very patient and supportive in helping me as much as they can in this process. However, with the environment being chaotic and everyone being busy, I do not get a lot of assistance in completing these documents.

            Being that I am new to all of this, and the only intern in the building, it is difficult not to compare myself to other staff members, particularly the other therapists. I know this unreasonable of me, but occasionally I do find myself getting stressed out due to thoughts of self comparison. This has not been helpful to my stress level, the work I am doing, or to the clients I serve. This stress was even beginning to affect me outside of work. I was finding it difficult to leave work at work. I would worry about what I had done with clients or what I would be doing with them in my next sessions. I was not providing bad practice and I had not done anything wrong to be so concerned about. Upon reflection, I realized that it was all due to me holding myself to unrealistic standards.

            Due to being surrounded by professionals that have their degree, license, and additional certificates or trainings, I was also holding myself to their same standards without realizing it. I was expecting too much of myself and putting too much pressure on what I was doing. In reality, I was and continue to do good work with my clients. I am putting in my best faith effort, doing no harm, following ethics codes, and maintaining sound boundaries while conducting therapy with my clients. I am not yet graduated and still have much to learn about adaptive what I have been taught at Stout to the adolescent residential setting. The work I am doing has been getting positive feedback by peers and superiors, and I am able to ask for help when I need it.

            Since realizing all of this, I have begun to see things in a different perspective. I continue to keep my eyes open for all opportunities to learn, I seek out additional resources as often as possible, and I do not allow myself to compare the work I am doing to the work of my experienced co-workers. Additionally, I have began to use additional coping skills of my own to stay focused while at work and to leave work at work. Specifically, I have begun to utilize some relaxation and meditation techniques before and after work every day over the last week and a half.

            The routine of my day now starts off with a brief 5 minute meditation to get myself centered and focused on the day and doing my best work. On the way to work I listen to a specific song and recite positive affirmations. Such things as “I am doing my best faith effort to help my clients as much as I can in the time I have them, with the resources available to me”, “I am still learning”, “I can only learn from, not expect myself to be, those professionals around me”, “nobody is expecting me to re-invent the wheel or cure my clients”, and “The choices my clients make are not a direct reflection of my capabilities as a therapist”. After work, I do an additional meditation exercise where I let go of all the loose ends from the day and stressful situations before I leave my office.

            I have found this to be extremely helpful for my own stress level. I have been more relaxed and focused throughout the work day as a whole, increasing my ability to give my best to my clients. I no longer think of or worry about my clients outside of work. I also am sleeping better and no longer dream about work or my clients. I am not getting overwhelmed with paperwork or feeling pressure to perform at the level of my co-workers. I intend on continuing this practice and additionally exploring my other coping skills further to refine them for maximum assistance for me in my practice.

Drugged Up Inspiration

Been overly active lately and I guess must have overdone it last night at Zumba cuz I woke up sore today. The good kind of sore that means you have had a great workout. Then I worked a day shift at the crisis center and sat at a desk with less than supportive computer chairs. My back was getting to me so I decided to take some of my pain meds upon getting home......

Its been about a half hour since I took them and I gotta say that I get why people get addicted to this kinda stuff.

My 5 Senses

I was thinking about this the other night and decided to finally put it into words. Something triggered me to wonder about this and here it is....I am about to attempt to list my top 5 things that fall into each of my 5 senses.

Sight

1- a client making a connection in session that leads to lasting change. This is the most rewarding feeling for me....ever. Working in residential I do no see a lot of quick change within my clients. One step forward, two steps back idea. So when a client does have one of those "ah-ha" moments it floors me and makes my week.

2- Constellations. I don't know much about them, but I adore watching them in a field late at night under a blanket and making up stories....with the one I love, of course.

3- Plane taking off. It is a mixture of a sense of beauty and awe as the plane breaks through the clouds, exposing the clouds as far as the eye can see. I also enjoy the landing and watching the landscape's symmetric geography bustle below, unaware of those looking down from above.

4- The ocean. so calm and so ferocious.

5- Approaching storms. watching clouds roll in and the wind pick-up, followed by the sky darkening as rain and lightning approaches. It's soothing.

Smell

1- England. Trust me, it has a distinct smell. And I love it. It makes me cry when I return from a trip because all of my belongings and myself smell of England. I do not notice it while I am there, only when I just land. I am hyper aware of it the second I leave. It gives me comfort. It soothes.

2- Clean Linen. Fresh scent that compliments everything.

3- Camp. well, the scent reminds me of it. Its that summery field, slightly damp grassy smell that emerges on a cooling summer evening.

4- rain on a summer night.

5- my hair in the rain. I know it sounds like I am full of myself, but it's a great smell. If I were a vampire, I'd find me irresistible in the rain.

Taste

1- Apples. my favorite food.

2- Cheese. so many good flavors that go well with so many things.

3- Cider. a good one. from England. clearly.

4- Tea. Not piping hot. sometimes of the English variety with milk, sometimes the crap stuff from a Chinese restaurant.

5- Tiramisu. best desert ever.

Sound

1- Alex's voice. I could haven in love with just that. I adore his voice and accent, specifically his vocal tone when addressing me. It changes when he speaks to me.

2- Alex's ring tone. It doesn't happen near enough. I will stop everything and frantically search for my phone when I hear it.

3- The skype noise when someone messages you. Similar to above, but I hear it more and a laptop's easier to find.

4- Rocky alternative guitar rocking music that's backed with some awesome piano and accompanied by a great voice and some emo lyrics.

5- a storm when I sleep. it soothes.

Touch

1- Cracking my back and neck in the morning. great start to the day. wakes me up and gets me moving and the bones back into place.

2- tracing my tattoos.

3- the purr of my cat. hands down the best at soothing me touch-wise when I am upset. I like it so much that I swear in a past life I was Autistic. The vibration when I cuddle him next to my body or lay my head on his tummy makes me never want to let go.

4- Massages. who doesn't? I prefer just getting the knots worked out to anything else....as long as I am not ticklish that day.

5- my bed. it is so comfy and also supportive on my back.

so there you go. turns out a lot of them are Alex related or for self-soothing purposes. It was interesting to sit and try to come up with. Good list. Makes me happy.