Tattoo Talk

So, typically I get tattoos when something major happens in my life. That being said, I intend on getting one when I graduate. It will be a big accomplishment that I am proud of, the end of a chapter in my life, the start of new beginnings.....and I have a spot thats annoyingly blank on my back. I can honestly say for the first time that this next tattoo will be my last. I am 90% sure of that. Seeing as though I have a year left of graduate school, I need to start putting together ideas for what I want to get. Yes, I need to start planning a year in advance! It is something that will be on my body forever - it needs to be good!

A few ideas have swirled around in my head. I definitely want something that reflects mental health and what I have learned during the course of my graduate school experience. I do not like anything that I can find as far a symbols I could incorporate that are mental health related.

At the moment, what I am considaring is something related to To Write Love On Her Arms. I am not wanting to just get TWLOHA or a quote. I am wanting a picture, not that a quote couldn't be a part of it....if it was one that sticks with me.

The best related idea so far is to have the words "Stop the Bleeding. Rescue is Possible" written on a razor blade. The cut out part of the blade would be the abbreviation TWLOHA.

I know it sounds....emo. But thats me, right? And it would not be graphic, but I think it would get a point across. It would be supporting the cause, something I have become very involved with particularly since moving to Wisconsin. Also, I am very passionate about my crisis work and want to make a career out of counseling individuals whom self harm.

I am considering sketching something up to see how it would actually look.

Who knows. The idea will probably change before the time roles around anyways. This is why I start the process now.

England Bound...Again!

So for those of you that have not heard of my excitement yet, I am on my way to England in exactly one month! I am relieved to have a flight booked and have something to look forward to in the near future. It is not that I am not enjoying my program, I just need a break. I have been at this for a year now with no breaks and taking 15-16 credits plus working at the call center. I think I have earned one! lol. It will be so very nice to get away from everything completely and spend time with everyone that I miss so much over in England.

I am pleased that I will still get to see the family over break as well as see my 6-pack girls. It will be wonderful to be back in Iowa to hangout and relax a bit and just catch up with sooooo many people I haven't seen in so very long.

And then I will get to spend my birthday in England as well! Alex and I have never been together on by birthday so I am most pleased about that. I am curious as to what he has planned because he will not tell me. It will be nice to have a surprise cuz I usually end up getting things out of him. Its awful of me, I know. But in my defense, he knows that I will want to know and then tells me theres a surprise coming or asks me some odd questions but wont tell me why. They are big tip offs.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that everyone won't make a huge deal of my birthday. I know it won't happen since I have know these people for several years and haven't shared a real holiday with them ever (cet for 4th of July, which doesn't count to them). So celebrating my birthday will be fun with everyone. I am going to be a good sport about it, even tho I don't wish to be fussed over.

Ideally, just Alex and I would do something on my actual birthday. Then on another night we would go out and celebrate with everyone else. BUT that prlly won't happen. We shall see. I believe the surprise bit only involves the two of us. I can accept that :)

The only possible setback in this whole thing is if the weather us bad and things get delayed. I do not want that happening, eww! My fingers will remain crossed that this does not happen. It's also be nice if the plane wasn't broken....that happened to me on the way back last time. It was kinda a mess, but we didn't leave the ground til it was fixed.

What Lies Ahead

This is the conclusion to the paper I am writing about my personal and professional growth since starting the program. Even tho I have excluded the 12 or so pages in between, you get the point as to what its about.....I think this ending makes up enough for the beginning, yes? I guess we shall see. Enjoy!

Since moving to Wisconsin I have continued down my path of self-discovery and self-improvement, pushing myself in the areas of personal, professional, and spiritual growth. The program has helped enhance and reassure my ability to become a more complete and centered individual. I am confident that I will be able to continue this in a healthy way post graduation.

With my graduate school experience nearly half completed, I can feel myself begin to get anxious over what my future holds. I know that because of the education I am getting at Stout, I will graduate a competent and professional mental health counselor. It is because of this educational experience that I have realized my calling in life and been able to access the means in which to explore that calling. I try to frame every day as an opportunity to learn more about myself and the ways in which I am personally capable of helping others achieve their own meaningful life.

I acknowledge the vast amount of knowledge I have to acquire before I will be fully prepared to set foot in the professional world of counseling. I know that the remainder of my coursework and internship experience will provide me with this knowledge. I intend on absorbing as much as possible so that I can continue to develop my sense of professionalism and personal counseling style.

Overall, I believe that my future is bright and will lead to fulfilling opportunities in which I help others make a difference within their lives. I see myself pursuing a career in crisis intervention and counseling for individuals whom engage in self-injurious behavior and those with suicidal ideation. I see myself doing this in a residential setting for adolescents and young adults. Before I make it to that point in my career, I have no doubt that I will continue to have amazing opportunities because of the education and experiences I have acquired during my time at Stout. I feel extremely blessed and appreciative to have this rich opportunity.

Running List of Things That Creep Me Out

• the bunny from Donnie Darko (I am actually terrified of it and the movie)
• antique baby dolls
• clothing in antique stores
• animatronics
• people sitting alone in parked cars at night
• tape worms (particularly in jars)
  
• lice
• the Burger King King
• when dogs make the sound like they are going to puke
• people who hand out fliers to support a cause that include disturbing photos (I'm thinking abortion and animal cruelty)
• Timothy Spall
• Gary Busey
• Charles Manson
• Marylin Manson
• the show Unsolved Mysteries (particularly the host, but only in that show)
• black and white cartoons from my childhood
• Ron Popeil
• The Juiceman Juicer man's eyebrows
• the movie Secrets of Nim
• people who knowingly buy things that someone has died on/in
• earwigs
• wolf spiders
• dead bug collections
• walls covered in shag carpet
• the potential the US government has to hide things from and spy on the public
• the majority of mothers who force their children into pageantry
• cannibalism

Into the Depths of a Graduate Student's Mind: Inquiry into Personal Growth and Professional Change

So that is the name of my 10-15 page required paper for Orientation to Mental Health Counseling about professional and personal change since beginning graduate school. There are 9 suggested "theme prompts" - questions we are more or less required to answer. The instructions were a page long and went on about how we are going through a huge growth period and the purpose of the assignment is to provoke thought about that growth and document it for later reading enjoyment.

I personally like the idea of the assignment, just not the thought that professors are forcing people to get insight. I feel like a lot of people will do it the week of and then submit 10.5 pages of B.S. that resembles little truth. I felt like to force all the questions into my paper would make it incongruent and inauthentic....something we are supposed to strive towards as further counselors....

so i took a bit of a risk and disregarded the questions. I am not done writing it yet, but I am a good 8 pages in. I have probably answered 4 questions thus far, some in more detail than others. I'm not really sure how this will pan out, grade wise....but I decided that I do not care. I prefer to give an accurate depiction of my experience with growth than force something that the professors want to hear. If the ultimate goal of the assignment is to document the growth process so I may reflect upon it later then that is what I am going to do.....I have decided to drop the preface in here for those whom are curious as to how my paper feels...keep in mind that I haven't even read over it yet for errors.....there are probably lots!

ENJOY :

By nature I would describe myself has a receptive and reflective individual. I am an adamant supporter of the expressive arts. For me, they provide simultaneous self-expression and internal processing. My personal history caused me to start a mission of self-evaluation and growth in an attempt to lead a meaningful life of my own. This has been an ongoing process for me since late 2005. I continue to attribute much of my insight and growth to the expressive arts, even since beginning graduate school.

When reading through the provided theme prompts, I found myself wondering how I could most accurately describe my growth process since being in graduate school and answer the questions at the same time. After a period of contemplation and multiple rough drafts, I decided that I couldn’t. Insight about recent growth does not happen genuinely if it is forced into paper format. Arguably, it is not true insight if it is forcibly regurgitated based upon predetermined questions for a class assignment. It’s true; one of the things we are taught in the program is that insight can be coached. Often times as counselors we must lead the client through their own thoughts, hoping that the insight we discretely dangle in front of them is uncovered. But even then we take things at the client’s pace, trying not to push it upon them too soon to be appropriately handled.

I am reminded of the saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”. Meaning: there is only so much we can to do in an attempt to bring forth the coveted, pivotal “ah ha” moment where the client’s brain almost audibly clicks into gear. If a client is resistant then the therapeutic reliance is examined and alternate treatment avenues may be explored. I am not inferring that I am a likened to a resistant client; I am merely exploring an alternate route to the assignment.

My conceptualization of the paper was to narrate my graduate school experience with the focal point being my personal and professional development. Since it is in my nature to take periodic risks, I have chosen to ignore the theme prompts and go with my gut reaction to depict accuracy over suggested content. I feel as though the outcome will be comparable, perhaps achieving increased self satisfaction and reader enjoyment.