In Need of Some Inspiration

Been feeling a bit low lately. I am bored and stressed. And lonely. I miss Alex a lot...but that's another story. I am mostly preoccupied with what is going to happen after graduation. I know what I want and where I want to be. I never doubt that. I am worried about how to make it happen. I guess I am worried about failing. Worried about being inadequate. I think all of this comes from me finally realizing that some of those hopes and wishes I had for myself, the ones I thought were unrealistic, might be a possibility in my future if I work hard enough. I guess I doubt that I have the intelligence and skill to make it happen. I know that I am smart and determined, but what if I fall short and go for what I want and then fail. I know that it wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't make it happen.....I just really want to make a difference and reach my goals. And I am scared. Scared of trying. Scared of not trying. Scared of trying and failing. I know I am just having a moment of weakness and doubt. I am sure I will eventually head down that path. Or maybe I will go down a different one. At this point, I am unsure. And that's ok. I will work it out at some point. Then I will be on my way to a good future. The right future.

man I am lame. what a corny blog I create. yuck.

another internship one.

I have seen a lot of growth in myself over this past semester. I am noticing that I am getting a lot better at confronting clients when they are being incongruent. This was particularly difficult for me at the beginning of the program and something I have worked hard to change about myself. This skill has come in handy a lot with my current client population because so many of them lie, manipulate, and say things that are contradictory. Getting more comfortable utilizing this skill has made me a lot more at ease working with this population. I take a much more direct approach to topics than I originally started off doing with my clients. I am certainly still able to be soft and supportive, but have added the additional layer of ability to confidently confront the client. I think this shows to my clients because that appear more likely now to be honest with me when I do confront them.

Another thing I have noticed about myself throughout this semester is my ability to integrate multiple approaches into my sessions. I am finding it increasingly easier to add in various techniques that might work well for my clients. I have always been adaptable in my sessions but since incorporating techniques from a variety of theories I have found my ability to stay on topic or relate a client’s sidebar to the topic of discussion has increased. This has also allowed me to better tailor the session to the client’s needs at the time rather than attempting to plan ahead and squeeze in the planned technique around the direction the session followed.

Additionally, I have been able to observe a wide variety of technique and theory through my site supervisor and other therapists. It has been interesting to watch and interact with other therapists to get their opinions on client cases. I have enjoyed the input of the therapists because they have been able to educate me on a lot of the covert rules of the academy. This has helped to raise my awareness for things like gang related behavior, run preparation, common insults, and drug related terms that live exclusively in the ECA culture. This knowledge has helped me to detect manipulation and subtle defiant behaviors more quickly than before.

Internship Update

Internship has gotten very interesting lately. I have been given the opportunity to do a lot more of the initial intake assessments over the past few weeks. I have found this to be a great opportunity for me to grow in my practice as a therapist. It is interesting for me to give the various tests and gather the intake information and then watch the client change through the treatment process. All of the testing is completed within the first 3 weeks of their arrival and is done when the client is in the honeymoon phase at ECA. I like to see how they change after that period of time and see if I was able to predict the areas they were lying on during the intake evaluation. Much of what the clients report is downplayed or exaggerated in an attempt to make the client look better for themselves. I have found myself to have gotten better at detecting this lying or manipulation, even though during the intake and testing process is not the appropriate time to call attention to these bluffs. I find it interesting that the clients know we have various assessments and background given to us from past placements etc that tell us the reasons the client has come to the ECA for treatment. Despite this, they often still lie about things until their behavior unfolds weeks into treatment.

The other interesting thing I have found lately is that all of the client whom are schizophrenic or have some type of hallucinations have been having psychotic breaks over the past month. I have found it fascinating to work with these clients and watch how their behavior and thought patterns change based on where they are at in their cycle. I have learned in class and read about in books what this is like for clients and how it will be outwardly expressed in the clients’ behaviors. I have found it to be a very different experience to watch develop in person. It has been somewhat difficult to piece together at times because two of the clients are also diagnosed with conduct issues. This gets difficult to know if the client is lying to me or if they are having delusions. I have also found it beneficial to talk with one kid that has had active hallucinations for about 5 years and has a fairly good handle on coping with his scary hallucinations.  He has given me some insight on what it is like to experience such hallucinations and has told me about the things he does to reality check and also keep the hallucinations from progressing. Of course, this does not work all of the time but I find it helpful to hear from him things that work so I can pass them along to other clients in the future who may benefit from trying some of these techniques.

my book (chapter)!

Found out yesterday that the book chapter I helped write will be published this summer...so I should for sure have a copy before I graduate in December! I am so very excited about this. It was interesting to work on this project with the ladies and I kinda think I might want to pursue things of that nature in the future. For those of you who are unaware of what I am talking about - the Spring semester I completed a chapter with two girls in my program and one of our professors that has been accepted for publication in an activity based book for career counseling. Our chapter is an activity geared at high school juniors and seniors that are interested in exploring career choices. It is a group based activity that encourages the students to so some outside research on a few of their potential careers and then try out those persons in front of their peers based on what they learned from the research. The idea is for the students to explore what it might be like to take on that career role and get feedback from their peers about it. There is also included in the activity a decision latter based on some gestalt techniques to help the students weigh the pros and cons of each job they choose to explore. The idea is not for this activity to necessarily lead to a career choice, but to help start the exploration process. The book is called  Experiential Activities for Teaching Career Counseling and for Facilitating Career Groups (Volume III) and my chapter is entitled The People in Your Neighborhood: Career Exploration in a Group Setting. I will keep people posted on when/where they can check it out. I am really excited about it!

Dream #7

had a horrid dream on Sunday night. I had been working all weekend and was tired so went to bed fairly soon after returning from work. That probably had loads to do with it. here is goes:

I was chatting to the overnight guy after work (which I actually had done that night) and finally left. For some reason I was walking home during the day from work. The area was not familiar to me in real life but I seemed to know where I was going in my dream. I received a phone call from the wife of a man I had helped that night at work. on my cell phone for some reason. As I was talking to her, I noticed a man sortof stumbling along ahead of me. We were walking towards a highway overpass. It was one of the ones right by an exit because there was stoplights. I became increasingly concerned about the man in front of me, although not really giving him my full attention. As we approached the stoplight he suddenly jumped on the stoplight and crawled up to the top. It was one that was just on a straight pole on the curb and not that hangs over the road. He stood on top and now had my attention. Suddenly he began to, what looked like at first, fall off the stoplight. His body was stiff and he sortof fell over. Then I realized that he had intentionally jumped, as his body rapidly projected over the highway. A large truck was coming towards him. I realized, in slow motion almost, that he was trying to get hit. I started jumping up and down, running towards the road, in an attempt to get the drivers attention. The truck did not slow down. It, very graphically, hit the man and ran him over. It severed him and was gory. I will spare you the finer details, but it was very vivid as it bounced to a stop, vacant expression, right in front of me. Then I woke up. It was 5 something am and it took me ages to get back to sleep. I had terrible sleep for the rest of the time I slept that morning.