Running List of Things That Creep Me Out

• the bunny from Donnie Darko (I am actually terrified of it and the movie)
• antique baby dolls
• clothing in antique stores
• animatronics
• people sitting alone in parked cars at night
• tape worms (particularly in jars)
  
• lice
• the Burger King King
• when dogs make the sound like they are going to puke
• people who hand out fliers to support a cause that include disturbing photos (I'm thinking abortion and animal cruelty)
• Timothy Spall
• Gary Busey
• Charles Manson
• Marylin Manson
• the show Unsolved Mysteries (particularly the host, but only in that show)
• black and white cartoons from my childhood
• Ron Popeil
• The Juiceman Juicer man's eyebrows
• the movie Secrets of Nim
• people who knowingly buy things that someone has died on/in
• earwigs
• wolf spiders
• dead bug collections
• walls covered in shag carpet
• the potential the US government has to hide things from and spy on the public
• the majority of mothers who force their children into pageantry
• cannibalism

Into the Depths of a Graduate Student's Mind: Inquiry into Personal Growth and Professional Change

So that is the name of my 10-15 page required paper for Orientation to Mental Health Counseling about professional and personal change since beginning graduate school. There are 9 suggested "theme prompts" - questions we are more or less required to answer. The instructions were a page long and went on about how we are going through a huge growth period and the purpose of the assignment is to provoke thought about that growth and document it for later reading enjoyment.

I personally like the idea of the assignment, just not the thought that professors are forcing people to get insight. I feel like a lot of people will do it the week of and then submit 10.5 pages of B.S. that resembles little truth. I felt like to force all the questions into my paper would make it incongruent and inauthentic....something we are supposed to strive towards as further counselors....

so i took a bit of a risk and disregarded the questions. I am not done writing it yet, but I am a good 8 pages in. I have probably answered 4 questions thus far, some in more detail than others. I'm not really sure how this will pan out, grade wise....but I decided that I do not care. I prefer to give an accurate depiction of my experience with growth than force something that the professors want to hear. If the ultimate goal of the assignment is to document the growth process so I may reflect upon it later then that is what I am going to do.....I have decided to drop the preface in here for those whom are curious as to how my paper feels...keep in mind that I haven't even read over it yet for errors.....there are probably lots!

ENJOY :

By nature I would describe myself has a receptive and reflective individual. I am an adamant supporter of the expressive arts. For me, they provide simultaneous self-expression and internal processing. My personal history caused me to start a mission of self-evaluation and growth in an attempt to lead a meaningful life of my own. This has been an ongoing process for me since late 2005. I continue to attribute much of my insight and growth to the expressive arts, even since beginning graduate school.

When reading through the provided theme prompts, I found myself wondering how I could most accurately describe my growth process since being in graduate school and answer the questions at the same time. After a period of contemplation and multiple rough drafts, I decided that I couldn’t. Insight about recent growth does not happen genuinely if it is forced into paper format. Arguably, it is not true insight if it is forcibly regurgitated based upon predetermined questions for a class assignment. It’s true; one of the things we are taught in the program is that insight can be coached. Often times as counselors we must lead the client through their own thoughts, hoping that the insight we discretely dangle in front of them is uncovered. But even then we take things at the client’s pace, trying not to push it upon them too soon to be appropriately handled.

I am reminded of the saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”. Meaning: there is only so much we can to do in an attempt to bring forth the coveted, pivotal “ah ha” moment where the client’s brain almost audibly clicks into gear. If a client is resistant then the therapeutic reliance is examined and alternate treatment avenues may be explored. I am not inferring that I am a likened to a resistant client; I am merely exploring an alternate route to the assignment.

My conceptualization of the paper was to narrate my graduate school experience with the focal point being my personal and professional development. Since it is in my nature to take periodic risks, I have chosen to ignore the theme prompts and go with my gut reaction to depict accuracy over suggested content. I feel as though the outcome will be comparable, perhaps achieving increased self satisfaction and reader enjoyment.