One Week Mark-ish

Its coming down to the wire and my time in America is running out. Well, my time for living in America for the next few years is running out that is. Despite popular belief I will return to the states once Alex is done with school. Hopefully I will return engaged and I will for sure not return alone as Alex plans on joining me. People keep asking me what I am feeling as my time of change and the chance for new beginnings rapidly closes in on me......to them I have the same responce each time - I am excited.

This is my chance to prove to myself and everyone I know that I can succeed at what I set my mind to. I am so very looking forward to this HUGE step I am about to take. I know it sounds a bit crazy and a lot of people say I am brave for doing something like this. I guess I just dont see it that way. In my mind what I am doing is what I want and have to do in order to be happy. Happiness in one of the most important things to me and recently I have not been very happy with my situation. Of course I am going to do whatever I can to change that. I have worked far too hard for far too long to not pursue what I believe will make me happy. I owe it to myself to take this chance and make it one of the best decisions of my life.

I have spent most of my life putting everyone else ahead of me and not focusing on myself and what I want/need. I have made too much progress in fixing and finding myself over the past few years to do anything but take a chance like this. I am following my heart and thinking of myself for once. I think some people do not understand this. It isnt about anyone else this time, its about me. Is that so wrong? I dont think so. You only live once and I have spent too much time worrying over other people and fixing everyone elses mess. That self neglect really wore me down and, although I hid it pretty well, I was a mess of a person. But I am not anymore. And even though I still put others first and spend a lot of my time trying to help other people, I make time to help myself as well. It is in my nature to want to reach out to those in need and that will never change.....but my need t0 help myself be happy is taking the front seat this time. And I am not sorry about that.

I am sorry if my decisions hurt anyone and I would never want to make people think I was abandoning them or that I do not care. I very much do care and have no intentions of abandoning anyone in my life that is important to me. Those people know who they are and if they dont then they should probably take some time to think about how much they really truly know me....because if you know me then you know I will be there for anyone who ever needs me, no matter how well I know them or what they have done to me.

I dont see my decision to move away for awhile as irresponsible, immature, or stupid. I see it as an opportunity to grow and learn and experience new things. Its just a chapter in my life, not the entire basis of the book. And I think that is perfectly ok. I sit and think sometimes about all the people that doubt me and think that I may not make it in one aspect of 'the plan' or two.....and I would like to encourage those people to observe my journey and keep an eye on my blog. I bet you will learn a lot about me and see how wrong you are about my character. I will survive and concur. Sure, maybe not every detail will work out like I had hoped. who cares? I can guarantee that 'the plan' wont pan out exactly as I hope. It doesnt matter, they never do. But I will still reach my goal to grow, learn, live, experience, and love in England. That I am sure of. I have to, I am determined to.

And I hope everyone out there reading this understands that I am not trying to be cocky or cut anyone down. I dont wish to shove the result of my England experiences in anybody's face....I just want everyone to understand where I am coming from and why this is so important to me. This is a turning point in my life. a milestone. a huge challenge to rise to. and I will. I have to take this chance and live my life or I will regret it until the day I die....

I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with someone so much that it hurts me to be away from him....and I dont care how lame or exaggerated or unbelievably naive that may sound to anyone reading this because its the truth and the bottom line. He is my all, the point to my everything. Ive made up my mind that I will do whatever it takes to make this work. and even though I do not doubt that I could and would wait until Alex was done with school to be with him, I dont want to wait. I want to be with him, in the same country, having a normal relationship, doing coupley things, and enjoying us. Passing up on an opportunity to do so is not an option in my mind. and neither is failing at the attempt.

I guess what I am trying to say is that although I do not have a huge fanbase of diehard supporters out there, and despite all the crap Ive gone through to get to this point, I am completely excited to take my trip to England in a week from Wednesday. just to be over there on my own, experiencing new things, being with Alex, and the anxiety of finding a new job......all so very very exciting and I look forward to it more than anything else I can remember. It will be a good thing and a welcomed change.

moral of this blog: I am excited to move to England in about a week.

Fishin' Around

Went fishing on Sunday evening after Alex flew out at Clark's lake...the pics make it look like we were at a fancy resort with a private beach for the weekend....oh how amazing that would have been! We all caught some fish and enjoyed watching Seamus catch his first fish. It was quite amusing to see his reaction. He did not like touching the fish and seemed a bit freaked out. He ended up spending most of his time playing in the sand. I caught a lot and mostly stayed on the dock to fish, helping Beth and Seamus and Sam get the fish off their hooks since none of them enjoy that sort of thing. It was funny because I proved to be much more outdoorsy and athletic than Beth and Paul thought I was. I spent probably half the time we were out there playing in the sand with Seamus. We threw rocks in the water and dug holes in the sand. Every hole I dug he filled in so I had to make them fast and fill them with water to keep them occupied. It was very amusing. We had a blast and Seamus was adorable - dumping water on himself, putting sand in his ears, and sitting in the water holes only to announce that he was taking a bath. We all got cleaned up and then ate pizza and messed around. I must say that all weekend Seamus was kinda all about me over Sam. I felt bad but not too bad since Im sure she will get a lot more time with him than me in the next few years. It will be sad to miss out on time with him BUT there is always webcams :)

Alex's Visit

Ok so I know that I said I would update this thing once a week-ish and clearly I havent yet. BUT I do have a good excuse since I had so many visitors lately and so much going on. Therefore you are getting multiple posts today AND they will prlly be pretty long. lucky you :)

Alex arrived safe and sound on the evening of the 14th with a huge migraine and sniffles. He had the sniffles/a cold the entire time he was here (which I ended up getting as well and I actually felt rather yucky for a few days as well). We did not do much on that Thursday since he was tired and not feeling well ect. but we were both very excited about him being here and the realization that we were really no longer going to have to be in a long distance relationship. yay us!

Friday - Our anniversary and the 50's dance!

We didn't ever really do much in celebration of our anniversary because we were so busy that day and the whole time he was here. We intended on getting dressed up and having a nice dinner but that never happened. He did have to return the really nice shirt and vest I got for him due to it not fitting and unfortunately had to get a different shirt (we were both pissed about that for sure). Then we ate at HuHot and it was extra yummy. The 50's dance was super fun!! We were in charge of changing the boxes of wine when they were empty. A lot of people dressed up and there were 2 Harley Davidson bikes on display by the stage where the band played. Alex learned to swing dance, foxtrot, and waltz (even though we never made it to the dance floor for a waltz). We also did the stroll (the dance they do in the 2 lines in the movie Grease) with everyone and participated in the costume contest....although we did not win. But really that would have been silly since the prize was a bowling pin trophy I made and tickets to next months dance that we (1) wont be here for and (2) would be able to go to for free anyways. The night went way too fast sitting with Sam, Jared, Christy, and Sara....we all had a very good time.

Saturday and Sunday - Marion Arts Festival, hiking, and arcade time

This first weekend Jared was here as well so we spent some time doing things with Sam and Jared. We went to the Marion Arts Festival where they did not stay long. We looked at all the art and walked downtown to check out some of the shops. There was a lot of art - some of it cool, some of it not so impressive, a lot of it over priced. It was a fine weekend until we had a bit of a bump in the road over a church issue that kind of through things off with my parents for a few days. We made our way around the arcades in the area and used up Sam's tokens she never got around to spending. We played at CEC, Planet X (he won minigolf this time!), and Happy Joes. Got some not so impressive but kind of fun prizes while we were at it. We also went on a rather long walk with my parents, Bella, Sam, and Jared that was quite nice due to the beautiful weather.

Monday and Tuesday - shopping, double date, more arcades, Star Trek

We finally got around to finishing up all the tokens and got to some shopping. Alex didnt end up finding anything he NEEDED which was a disappointment. He did end up buying a few things a couple days later that were nice. We went to see the movie Star Trek with Sam, Christy, and Sara. Alex was delighted to see it again and I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Still not all into it but it was interesting. I am even considering going to this Kirkfest thingy next weekend in the town where Captain Kirk is/was/will be born in. That should be interesting. We also got to go on a double date sort of dealy with Brynn and her Alex. It was fun despite both the boys being quiet and shy. Brynn and I very much enjoyed the chance to get our guys out and about and hanging with one another. I think the boys enjoyed it too :) Its definitely going to be something we do a lot if I have anything to say about it.

Wednesday - a day in Des Moines!

First if all Id like to say that it took FOREVER to get to Des Moines because of the way the Garmin was set. it was quite ridiculous. However, we sure did have a blast!!! We went to the Blank Zoo where we got $2 off admission due to the giraffes not being out......they did not tell us that they also didnt have any penguins or gibbons out either and no elephants at all. I was pissed since penguins are my favorite animal but we made due. We got to walk in the Australian outback with the emus, see a huge round take of jellyfish, and fed llamas and other animals out of our hands. We enjoyed one llama so very much that we named her Sally. Her upper lip cracked us up because its split in two and the parts move separately. its crazy. we also saw a gigantic Bison thing that Sam fed out of her hand even though we didnt know we werent supposed to. There was also a Coy fish pond that was crazy to watch kids feed because the Coy fish would pile up on one another and several had bloody spots on them from the feeding frenzy. From there we attempted to find the Science Center which also took forever due to the Garmin not being able to find it. I stopped and asked for directions and we eventually found that it was like a block away from Peoples Court downtown (where the concert was). We only got 2 hrs in the Science Center but I thought it was totally worth it. I couldve spent longer in there. Unfortunately my camera died at the zoo so I couldnt take pictures of all the cool stuff....we built a dam, created a complex domino structure, launched paper rockets we could create (altho Sam was the only one of us to actually make one), tried to position all these levers to allow a wall-sized ball structure to work, attempted to make a tornado and a padded structure that wouldnt break an egg on impact, as well as watched the pendulum clock swing. It was super amounts of fun. We then made our way to the long time of underaged emos at the Peoples Court to see The Used.....it was worth the wait and an amazing concert. Prlly one of the best Ive seen. They sang lots of older songs that i knew and the support bands were quite good we well. The merch was the only sucky part. Due to being exhausted, we ended up staying at a hotel and eating Perkins before bed, then headed back on the FOREVER long trip to CR on Thursday afternoon.

Thursday - Cocktails and Company

We met everyone at Cocktails for a bit of a night out. it was quite the multipurpose event and I think people enjoyed themselves. Alex and I were at first a bit unexcited because it was comedy night and most of them....ok all of them....sucked with the exception of an occasional good joke. Luckily all of that mess was over before most people showed up. Thanks to everyone who came out on Thursday. Alex and I appreciated it. I again want to apologize for being a sucky host. I feel awful that due to all the people I didnt get to spend quality time with many people at all. Good news is I think that none of you hate me for it and that most of you understand....unrelated but also good news, Alex and I got to practice his dance moves. I was quite proud that he noticed a Journey song as being a swing....so out on the floor we went to dance a bit. Brynn said once we started other people would join us but no such luck. oh well, we may have looked silly but we had a good time. I have to say tho, one of the best parts of the night was after most people left and 2 people got on the dance floor and dance battled one another. it was sooooo funny and very enjoyable. Thanks again if you attended.

Friday to Sunday - Family time and Renaissance festival

Friday night Beth Paul and baby Seamus got here. We celebrated his birthday late by getting him a bike and decorating a cake. the weekend went by fast! we made our way out to the Amana Colonies to go to the Renaissance festival. Paul and Alex had never been to one so we were all sad (with the exception of Sam who hates things of that nature) that it was raining and we couldnt go.....however, we did spend time in the shops within the community before the rain stopped and I convinced my dad to go. Alex got to become a pirate, we saw a joust, there were tons of people in costume, Alex held some swords, and he gave me away for free to 3 different creepy people all dressed up. it was very fun and very touristy and i couldve easily spent longer there. Then we ate at a German restaurant in the colony before coming back home and hanging out. It was nice and fun and always a good time being around Beth and Paul. Sunday morning we had a big breakfast and then drove Alex out to the airport to say goodbye. We all huddled up by the line on the floor we couldnt pass next to the security checkpoint, waving and yelling goodbye to Alex. I am sure it was distracting but we all thought it was enjoyable and also a nice 'welcome to the family' kind of gesture. as Paul said - it only will go downhill from here for Alex as a member of our family :)

All in all we had a fantastic visit full of much more amazingness than I can write down for you. that was quite the brief overview if you want me to be honest. But Im sure you get the gist of the time we spent.

"The Plan"

Ok so here it is in full detail....as much detail as I have at the moment :

My last day at work is technically the 13th, but all I have to be there for is the weekly team meeting.

Alex arrives on the evening of the 14th and will leave on the 24th (Ten days of fun with the bf, yay!). Theres tons of stuff planned while he is here. There's a 50s party on the 15th for my mom's clients. Its $35 a couple (live band and drinks included).....let me know if you want a ticket! Anyone is totally invited to go see The Used in Des Moines on the 20th. Also, theres a multi-purpose outing on the 21st we will be attending in celebration of a bunch of stuff. Let me know if you want more details on any of that....

I leave the country on June 3 and fly into Birmingham. Be there for 2 months to find a job and an apartment for Alex and I. HOPEFULLY I will be able to find something. I plan on looking for a job in the social work field....those jobs are currently shortlisted in the UK so basically I would have a much better chance of getting the visa I am looking into if I snatch up one of those jobs. The visa I am looking into is called a Tier 2 working visa and to apply for it I would need an employer that is already offering me a job in order to apply. then theres a bunch of typical visa business to tend to for me as well as my employer. After the 2 months are up I would have to return to the US for my visa to get processed (even though technically I could be in the UK for up to 6 months without a visa of any kind).

While back in the country for 4-6, possibly 8 weeks I will be tying up all the loose ends - getting all my medical records, cancelling my cell phone, transferring prescriptions, ect....and of course hanging out with family and friends! I also will have to spend all that money shipping all my crap overseas!!

Once my visa is all cleared and whatnot I will book a flight back to England and be over there for up to 3 years on my visa. I may or may not have to get it renewed. It just depends on how long I get one for initially.

Once my visa is up and Alex is done with school we plan on moving back to the US. I am hoping to then go back to grad school at that time.

....and there is "the plan" as it currently stands. cross your fingers that it all works out for us!!

My appologies....

So this is my very first attempt at blogging. weird. I always thought I would be able to resist all of this business....guess not. I figure since I am leaving the country in less than a month that I needed to quick think of a good way to keep all my loved ones (and those of you that are bored enough to be nosey) in touch and up to date with me. Its not that I do not want to personally tell each and every one of you about everything that happens to me while I am away....I just don't know if I'll have the time to do so! therefore I have resorted to blogging. You will have to bare with my awful spelling, grammar, and my technologically inept self. I am going to try to post something at least once a week about all the things I have been doing. again, enjoy.